Hi Guys,
Well, the school holidays, the son's birthday, Easter and ANZAC Day are almost over. My virus that has been lingering like a bad smell for months now seems to be turning a corner as well, but am still being cautious as last time I said that I had a set back. Several in fact.
A very dear and long time friend, Sue, came to help me with the last corner of the Carport that I have so far not addressed as yet. It was my 'block'!
I have to go back to 2007 in order to help you understand or grasp my 'block'.
Mum was ill, I was her only Carer for many years after Dad died, along with managing a job, children and my own health issues and basically was thoroughly exhausted. It was that year we found out Mum had been living with cancer for years now from having worked with a chemical (carbo-tetra-chloro-etheline) in the textiles industry without any safeguards provided from said company. Had we known earlier she would have been able to have a liver transplant, but that option was now no more. The company has since gone off shore to avoid litigation and a mute point.
It was at that point in time that it was decided that my son and I had to move in with Mum and quickly.
My long time friend, Sue helped me clear 2 rooms to facilitate this. These rooms were filled to the brim. I come from a long line of hoarders, but secret ones that operate from behind closed doors and cupboards. Sue and I had to work fast as when we were packing Mum's precious 'stuff' into boxes to be placed in the neighbours garage Mum insisted on sitting in the corridor near us to talk about each item. The history. From where. By whom. And so it went on. Most of it was fascinating, but I did not have the time to go through the sheer amount that was there. We managed to get it done nonetheless. I would never have thought that it would take years to get through everything when I started this. But here I still am.
The Sallies lady Merle said she would organise help for the beds and bedroom furtiture to be moved from my Bentleigh rental to Mum's house. The night that this move took place, up rocks Merle with her husband! No problem... they are both in their mid 70s!!! Me and two 75plus man and woman! I will never forget us moving the big heavy stuff with me driving behind the trailer on that dark winter night. I still cannot believe it even to this day. But we got it done. We were now esconced in Oakleigh, in my old childhood bedroom, to take care of Mum.
At this time I had to give up work as I just couldn't care for Mum as well as all the other stuff I had to do along with a job. In the last months of work being that my workplace was sort of near enough to Mums home, I would drive home at lunchtimes to feed Mum. Before moving in with Mum I was driving to her place in the morning prior to work to help her dress and breakfast. None of which was in a direct line or close by. At least some of this running around was cut down, but I still had to get my son to school!
This meant my son had to be driven to school in Bentleigh. Thankfully another friend allowed him to stay after school at her place so he would walk to her place and I would pick him up from there. It is all the 'little' things that add up.
After moving in with Mum, I shut the Bentleigh rental door and kept paying the rent as usual as I had no time to do anything other. I was being Scarlett O'Hara... tomorrow... I will think about it tomorrow... tomorrow is another day... but the days grew into weeks, then months... it was only 7 months on after Mum died that I finally was able to organise getting rid of that rental to move all my furniture and gear to be stored under the Carport to start the look of 'Steptoe & Sons'.
Why under the Carport you are more than likely screaming to yourself.
Well, my wonderful healthy and still living amongst us sister who never liked me much since the day I was born decided to contest the Will, which is her right. However, she knew I had nothing and in a hard place financially as I had been looking after Mum for the last 6 years giving up work many times over including this last year. She put the dagger in by tying up much needed funds with this contesting to try and make me submit to her demands. And to make matters worse it was not long after my other big sis died about 3 weeks prior to Christmas that I was reported for fraudulent behaviour to Centrelink!
Hmmmm... I think... I smell a rat...
The questions that they asked me were about... my mothers car, my mothers money, my mothers house and my (now this made me laugh) mothers antiques!
More like I drove my car into the ground while caring for my Mum, as without me helping, Mum would've been lost and when my car went 'boom' Mum knew that she needed me more than ever due to all the doctors appointments etc and as it so happened Mum could not drive any longer so she decided that I should use her car as I was unable to afford to buy another and Mums car was of equal value to mine and in order to continue to look after Mum I paid for the car's roadworthy and transfer. The money that was there dwindled due to the contesting - what little there was. I was living in the house, yes, which has no heating, the stove doesn't work along with the rangehood etc etc. And as for the antiques well if you call saved christmas wrapping, christmas cards, bread plastic bags, old stockings, plastic containers and so on antiques then yes!
All claims were deemed unfounded and apologies to me profusely for having done that to me along with a letter stating such. I had informed Centrelink of all my changed circumstances as they happened as I had nothing to hide.
So who would wish my son and I harm in such a way! Vexatious is too mild a word to describe the person or persons who placed this claimed about me to cause such pain. What was the purpose? That I will never know. All I think is Centrelink should come down hard on those that put in false claims for personal vendettas to task and harshly just as they do to those that do 'fraud' the system and benefits.
My sister and I went to mediation in the middle of 2009 and she finally albeit begrudgingly not long after this agreed to all the stipulations in the Will as stated by our Mum. My sister did not break me and I honoured my Mum's wishes to the letter in full as she made me promise her all those times while in palliative care.
I do believe I know what little helpers made that 'dob in' possible, but in a way it made my resolve to uphold my Mum's wishes even more so. Hence, I dug my heels in even further. That dagger in my back only served to make me stronger.
There is loss here, but not the kind my sister would realise. To her it was loss of money. To me it was the loss of trust with my sole surviving sister. The split with her was now sadly complete. The fact that she cannot see the harm she has created and nor will I ever be able to help her understand that money is not a measure to measure against 'love'.
But I survived. Even though this sister tried with every measure to push me to the brink without a thought about me and less so my son, we still survived even though I was now deeper in debt, but eventually that can be dealt with.
To survive the period of contesting I did this by whatever methods I could to make ends meet. I sold my strand of pearls among other personal items. Many many friends helped me and so on. One can get very inventive when one needs to.
In the meantime, health wise, I was a broken woman. Yet this did not stop me from doing 'a little' at a time to keep reducing the mammoth amount of 'stuff'.
So I found myself bereft of cash and my 'stuff' in Bentleigh and no way to get rid of the rental that was costing me money yet housing my 'stuff'. Catch 22!
Many of my friends and there was an army of them that came to help pack up my volume of 'stuff'. Heaps went flying into skips that charity organisations provided me with and much more given to specific families in need. It really was a very hectic time. In the end all that was left was the question... how to move what 'stuff' was left.
Fortunately, my ex offered to use his work truck. Not ideal, but I had no choice. If you saw the truck I am talking about you would understand. It took several trips and my ex packed it well under the carport. First one side with boxes and then the other with furniture. The last trip it was getting dark and we were, my ex and myself were getting rather tired by now. He ended up throwing all my plastic bags of clothes into the back part of the carport in this last corner. I did my best to protect these things from the elements, but hey I expected to get to this soon ... not years later.
And there the clothes remained for 4 more years. There is much more to this 'block' than that, but I think you will get the picture.
I had only packed what I thought I would need for 6 months and minimal at that. I can hear you laugh there Kez!!! Anyway, most of what was under the carport has been dealt with with the exception of that last corner where the clothes were tossed all those years ago. I felt sick thinking what had perished. But finally the day came and Sue was there to help me through it.
Sue and I took out all the bags and placed them all around and both of us began to tackle one bag at a time with the view to toss what was obviously beyond redemption with others to go to the Sallies that were in good condition and some that I still wanted to use and lastly some very retro items to eBay if at all possible. Sue kept me in check and even got rather territorial as I kept coming over to what bags she was dealing with and being unceremonially ordered back to the bags I was dealing with. I am glad she did this as I could see the funny side and made me laugh instead of cry.
In the end, surprisingly only 10% was beyond help. 60% went to the Sallies. 20% for eBay and the final 10% that I could still use. I was totally amazed at how well these clothes had survived. There were only 2 items of note that I am very sad that got ruined. But I had to accept that I had left it all this time and what that meant. The fact is where these clothes were water goes rushing down when it pours and these clothes had weathered 4 winters and I just couldn't bear to brace myself for a fifth.
Anyway, there you have it. Another part done. Another part achieved.
I have now organised the eBay boxed items in that corner and will deal with the furniture in front as soon as I can find a willing 'male' to help me. After which time I have to learn all things eBay. As good fortune has it another good friend has already talked to me after reading my blogg's asking what was the hold up... and well, it is because I have no idea and too much to sell... so she is going to show me the way. She believes I will be the next eBay Queen and you know what she probably is right!
I went out with a friend today and he noticed that there was much less 'stuff' under the carport and even commented as such. If another notices, then I am making that dent.
Finally, I sigh!
Now I have to wash and dry all the clothes for their intended purpose and destination, which will take some time. Then it starts all over again... to the next batch of boxes to be dealt with.
Tommorrow is another day and in my case with less clothes and blankets this time round.
But no rest for the wicked for there is still MORE MUCH MORE to sort through! Lucky ME!
Cheers to all who bother to read this and that is me presuming some do. Feedback is always welcome, even if it is about others that you see in a 'sinking' house of 'stuff'.
Till next time...
Ah, life is wonderful... I just might get what I wish for.
Anita
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