Had dinner last night with the most delightful ladies. We all had a grand old time and much laughter. Such a tonic at a much needed time.
One said she had read about the bedroom and I thought to myself had I steered from my original mission of this blog, which was to take away the 'shame' people feel or made to feel for being in what is a very tough situation for a multitude of reasons.
The mission initially was to destigmatise the word and what is attached to 'Hoarders'.
Here is my very first blog....
Sunday, February 6, 2011
This is the first and official opening of a hoarders blog... Will try and get this to link into Facebook eventually, but will need time to get to that.
In the meantime, I think it is time for those of us who have 'too much stuff of any sort' to place a positive spin on the name or word 'HOARDER'!
Most of the time no one would know who you are or even know you like to keep or collect or find it just that little bit harder to let go. However, when the scales tip too far one way due to some unforseen event/s - then every one feels entitled to let you know what they think. Do I go into someone's home and say 'Ohhh, how sterile' or 'Hmmm, don't have much!' or a glance that just lets you know. Hell no!
In light of this, it is time to destigmatise the word 'HOARDER'.
There are many levels of hoarding and many ways to help without making one feel ashamed. We can have fun you know. So here is a hoarder who wants to support other hoarders through the maze of unloading in a fun positive manner.
After all it is just a process. For some it will take longer than others and we all don't have a TV crew to sweep in for a weekend and voila - instant no mess! It just doesn't happen that way in the real world.
My favourite quote in the regard is "This is not clutter! These are my antiques!'
I was trying to think of positive names for a group where people could share their stories and support each other through a difficult period of 'decluttering' etc. Here are some of them...
- 20 box your way to feel unloaded.
- How to let go without feeling guilty!
- How to outwit the hoarder within...
- Hoarding got me here - Now how to get out!
- Is your hoarding getting the better of you?
- If a person from a 100 sq home had to move into an 11 sq home - does that mean they instantly become a hoarder also? - this one is a tad long and a work in progress...
The reason for this blog is to show that those that don't keep things that those that do are no different in many ways to them. I myself cannot understand minimalism. It just doesn't compute. It all started from having lots of stuff myself, then storing others gear and then moving in to look after a parent who also had an enormous amount of stuff kept over the years along with their Mum's stuff after they passed on along with some other deceased guys gear.
Now how the hell do you minimise from 5 households down to one manageable unit in a small home while living in it and looking after a gravely ill person and children to boot with no support. No mean feat, but have managed to unload alot so far, but much more to still go. But this has not happened without heaps of angst and heartache over the last 4 years.
Most of my friends understood to a point and were wonderful. But I can only expect or accept so much help from them as they have their own lives to lead. There comes a time when you have to take charge and when that time comes you do know it.
I love giving and knowing that it may or will help others makes it that more easier to purge and release. I even took to taking a photo of some precious thing that had a fond memory attached in order to let the item go. Those in the ravages of these current floods have no choice in the matter - the waters swept their lives from under them. So I plod on toward that picture perfect home I have in my minds eye.
I hope that this will help others to know that we shouldn't feel ashamed. That we just feel things differently and what is so wrong with that. Yes, if what you have is rotting - then that is not good. Yes, if what you have harbours rats, cockroaches and mice etc - then again that is not good also. Yes, if what you have means you or anyone cannot get around to do your usual daily activities etc - then once more that is not good.
It is before anyone gets to this point that I am talking about and wish to debunk.
Feel free to chime in and comment - hopefully more in the positve or witty vane. This is meant to be helpful not harmful.
I am now into 4 years of decluttering. It took only a few years prior to that to tip the scales of imbalance and then it was an avalanche.
The way in is just as hard as the way out.
How I started was really quite simply - one box at a time - one shelf at a time - one corner at a time. Then cry a little more - then one more box a day later - another tear - another shelf - another day and slowly slowly it starts to change.
While one is in the process of decluttering you do get into what I call a 'holding pattern' of looking as if in a bigger mess. This is part of the process. It means things are moving on out. For some it seems important to handle an item once. This is good if one can achieve it, but I don't dwell on it if I don't get to do that as I know it is on its way out anyway. So I look at the positive rather than beat myself up over it.
It is a process that takes time... and everyones timeline will vary... it is when others look on and perceive that you 'look like' you have done nothing when in fact you have been a very busy beaver that the hurt comes into play. You know you have filled that rubbish bin with precious memories, but appears no one else believes you. This is where you have to keep on like a Berger Paint and just slog on and one day the doubters begin to see the light. Literally!
Again, it is a process... again, one that takes time and perserverence against those that keep on putting you down.
There is so much more that I could share right now. I shall leave that for another day. Even if I chat to myself - then my 'self' will get to finish the job I started with this blogs support, help and assistance. And if anyone joins in on the way then all the better.
Cheers from an almost liberated hoarder
WOW, takes me back to how I felt way back when just reading this.
What a difference time makes.
I am now almost 6 years into this journey. Once I made that decision to just get the job done I have never looked back. Looking back I can see I have done much. But if you look at just now you would not know. I chose to do it slowly to be kind to myself and not stress. I don't cry as much anymore. However, right now due to life issues I am finding it difficult and to read this and reflect on how I was just reaffirms that I should stay positive and keep on using humour to motivate myself.
This blog was intended to get me started. Once written, then out in public ... well ... you just have to do it. If time lapses too far inbetween blogs it just served as a timely reminder to get one's skates on.
It took me a long time to include photos as I was so down about the situation I had found myself in. Wish I had a photo of what it was like at the beginning now so all could see how far I actually have come. But I remember and that is important.
On reflection the worst part of going through this is the waiting when you need assistance from others to get to the next step. This is not a complaint, but rather an observation so that those who are or find themselves in a similar situation to myself are aware that there will be many 'stop start' times to deal with along the way.
Looking back on what I wrote still rings true.
As for what I would call this blog now I probably should have called it along the lines of:-
'Happy Decluttering' or
'Decluttering Made Easy'.
But, I am glad I chose the more difficult of titles and just put it all out there. A hoarder trying to help other hoarders throught their 'stuff' with dignity, self respect and humour and that it is OK. Nothing wrong with that.
I remember that I was getting a bit peeved with all the so called TV experts helping those with these issues and not ever having the problem or issue themselves. And in doing so stressing the poor people even more the very ones they were supposed to be helping.
I noticed over and over again, it was never a person who had the problem or issue themselves out there blustering bullet points. Why could it not be someone who had gone through what was happening to them, who could understand what the many reasons were, who could relate why an item meant so much, who could assist in a variety of ways to let go without the massive stress.
All this can be done, but done with kindness and compassion. Unfortunately, this takes time. Something most are not willing to give in this day and age.
I had seen on a show recently where a room - just one room - to fix, as it was overloaded and beyond useful. However, they did the obligatory rubbish, recyle, keep, donate piles and a skip. Amazing how much gets tossed into that skip. The person whose precious stuff he had kept being so gleefully tossed ever so quickly without time for him to digest what was happening or the ability to have a say, was sifting through the skip only for the presenter to come over and roll their eyes around. Now was this necessary. Hell no. To me that was just sheer rudeness.
Here is this guy who was surprised by the family and still allowed them to go ahead due to pressure. The events would have been rushed all in one day and in amongst the tossing would be family memorabilia and stories and his blood pressure would have been rising and going through the roof. He should have been shown more respect than that. Just because the TV Show was doing a 'do over' does not mean they had the right to stomp on someone’s emotions so abruptly.
This presenter and crew were in and out in a day to then leave the aftermath behind. What's with that! What if some crew barged into their home and went for it. Nah ... simply just not right. What got me was the presenter rolling their eyes at this poor bloke who had no time to prepare for this, nor allowed the time to see where his 'stuff' was going due to being done so quickly!
As well intentioned as this may seem or appear, no one would like it being done to them. And to be done so publicly. These kinds of shows just help perpetuate the stigma, the shame attached to this problem. Hence, why people hide it and don't discuss it, which then means they cannot do anything about it till it is too late and it becomes overwhelming and too much to handle.
Time to stop the put downs, the assumptions and the attitude about this subject. Not all hoarders get beyond this point. But a life event can do just that and push anyone over to being overwhelmed, even a non hoarder.
Life is finite. We do not know what lies ahead or around the corner for us.
I will get what I can get done.
After all, I am sorting through 3 generations of 'stuff', most should have been dealt with long before, but left to the next poor bod to deal with due to unforseen circumstances or abilities, which just so happened to be me. I am trying not to leave it all to the next generation, my children. However, time will dictate that. Hope to get this job done before I am done!
It is the history that is important for me. There are papers that need to be kept that has some of our families tree and such from long past, along with photos that I can hopefully place names to faces. That way it will be easier to pass on for those that one day will want to know or show interest in.
I am a somewhat emotional character and would rather remember than to forget where I came from. The stock, the courage, the tenacity, the stories of those before. This is what I treasure most.
My stories among other family members will be added. I will either fade away or be an interesting character to some future generation. Who knows. But at least I will have made it just that little bit easier to find once I am done.
Then comes the question after I do get this all done, 'what then?'
As the character Scarlett O'Hara said in the movie, "After all... tomorrow is another day."
I will ponder on that when I get there.
Cheers all,
Hope I didn't bore you all with my review!
Anita
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