Hi guys,
How each person gets into being overwhelmed by 'stuff' is different. For me it was thrust upon me in a short space of time. How one cope's also varies.
This is my personal journey of how I got 'here'!
My daughter and I have been busy getting the 3rd bedroom cleared for her to move into.
You may think that this is taking so long, but as I elluded to before this was thrust upon me. If only you knew what I have had to go through just to get to this stage!
A few years back I had a lot of 'stuff' myself. I was also housing some gear of a friend who was overseas for a few years. Due to my Mum's illness I had to close the rental (yet still renting), give up my job and move in with her to take care of her more closely than before.
I had to quickly clear out 2 rooms so my son and I could move in and stored these boxes in a very kind neighbours garage. Mum herself never threw anything away. We are talking Christmas cards, wrapping paper, stockings (for the vegie patch of course), pieces of material, every shoe she had, dozens of umbrellas, all her handbags and the list goes on. She also brought home after her Mum died alot of her 'stuff' as well. Mum also then took on another friends 'stuff' after he died. Can you see where I am leading here? This almost killed my Mum. She hated every minute of this 'process' as it had to be rushed. Mum wanted to tell me about every piece of item that went through our hands. It's the chatting that takes time... but it is important for the person letting go to talk and tell their stories. It's part of 'their' letting go.
Mum and Dad were of Baltic European background and being of the war years held onto everything - just in case! Being that they had to walk away from everything - everything becomes important. Mum had a small suitcase that she left her homeland with at the start of WWII... at one stage in some country in Europe they had to leave that behind also as soldiers where on the advance and there was no time to retrieve their precious belongings. So I can understand why my parents, especially my Mum as to why she held on so tight.
But Mum got sick real fast and ended up in palliative for 4 months and the roller coaster ride for me began. Running between the Bermuda triangle was just dreadful - I went from Mum's home, my son's school, my now vacant rental housing with all my 'stuff' in another suburb and the Hospital. Trying to stay with Mum so she was not alone and take care of her needs and try and keep some semblance of dignity for her. I had already been taking care of Mum for over 6 years by now along with my son who also had high medical needs due to heart issues and was becoming more and more exhausted by the day. But adrenalin kicks in and takes over and you plough on through somehow.
When Mum did finally pass away I was bereft and unable to think or cope as I had another older sis who was making demands and making life even more difficult. And being in a house full of 'stuff' didn't help. But I also did not have the financial means or energy to cope with it.
I had to get out of the rental. My only option was to pack up what I could and store it under the Carport. For a while there I truly looked like steptoe and son personified. I still do, which makes me feel ashamed. Will post some photos soon to show you the 'process'. At that time many came to help me out and heaps got tossed into 2 huge dumpsters and much more into bins and again carloads to other places. I also gave beds, TVs, a small fridge, my expensive couches and dining room table to 2 families who had never had 'nice' stuff before. One of them had had their house torched so they needed it more than I did.
People will help for a while, but they have their own lives to lead so I have been careful not to ask too often for assistance. I would rather have my friends and the 'stuff' than the 'stuff' gone and my friends gone as well. Not all of us get the luxury of a huge team to swoop in and magically do it all for you. I have to say the 'process' is slow because one has to do it themselves and it does take time when it is massive.
A few say to me 'Oh just do this' or 'Oh it is easy - you just get the Salvos to come and get it' etc etc etc. Some of these supposed prophets have never been in this situation. Some have had a room or garage to clear... which is small fry compared to what I have had to go through. And no the Salvos don't always come and get it or take it for that matter. Also, it takes time to pack the endless bags and boxes and drive it to the depots where they will accept 'certain' items only and unload. All this after sorting for hours already. Sheer tiredness hits. So NO 'Oh' me as it is not that clear cut or simple.
Initially, I ended up having 'stuff' under the Carport, in the neighbours garage and a big pellett load at a friends factory on a mezzanine floor in Richmond for housing. On top of that I had the lounge room packed to the brim like a lock up storage facility, incluing my Mums bedroom. I had given Mums bed etc away to the Sallies so I could use the room. Mum had the corridor packed with shelves that were a fire hazzard. It really was a nightmare, but there was little I could do about the situation at that time immediately, but accept that I will somehow turn it around.
So began my journey.
Where to start!
Well, one shelf at a time. Life, looking after children, all commitments and looking for work collectively takes time and takes away the opportunity to get things done quickly.
There is only 'one' hard rubbish a year in the area of which I live and I missed the first one. However, a kind male friend took a few loads to the tip for me. I have the carport almost cleared. The pellett at the factory has gone. The corridor no longer has shelves. More importantly we have a lounge room again... a friend gave me her gorgeous lounge suite which I love. And I am now tackling what's in my neighbours garage which has been there for nearly 4 years now. I just gave away my $2,000 bed base away to a family who I know will appreciate it... I watched it drive away down the road and felt - yes it is right - I need a bed myself but the house is small and a queen size wont fit - so yes it was the right thing to do.
I have given away soooo much 'stuff'. But if you came to visit me now you would more than likely think 'good heavens' as there still is soooo much stuff when you look around!
It has taken me 3 years to get to this point in time. Along the way my big sis who lived in Sydney died shortly after Mum. Many other events have gotten in the way of my progress in this area. But I plough on regardless. Even if I get just one bag into the bin that week. Then I feel I have chinked away just that little more. The 'process' can, does and will take time. Especially if you are on your own.
I point this out as you can feel the judgement, the disdain, the 'Oh how could you live like this' as if it were a choice.
I have finally started to accept not to feel shame, but rather accept this as a growth experience. One that will end up being more positive than I can at this moment see, imagine or feel as yet.
I have to trust the 'process'.
In the meantime, my daughter and I have finally broken the camels back in that 3rd bedroom. The fact that she loads up her car and drives it to the depot has been a godsend for me. Even though she needs the room I am happy for her help as that help as sped up the 'process' and for that I am extremely pleased.
Let's see how long it is now for her to be back living here - I am predicting in 2 to 3 weeks time making it early to mid March. Oh happy days!
So, to whoever reads this and whatever you may think of me - if you are a fellow hoarder/collector who has been tipped over the edge for whatever reason, then take heart that slow does win the race and if you are someone who is not a hoarder/collector of any kind spare a thought for the 'process' we have to go through to get back to 'our' normality!
Bit of a longish blog this time... will try to be brief next time...
Cheers all
Anita
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