Momentary pause!

Hi guys,

I guess you will not be surprised to hear those that have 'so much to do' saying I haven't had a moment to spare to get to it as yet!  Well, it is true in my case many a time. 

I have not done a single thing to do with decluttering since the Sunday before!  And when one has a loss of momentum it causes one to pause and ponder 'why'.  Well, in my case it is the last week of my work and starting to look for other jobs.  These pesky life things just seem to get in the way all the time.  That and a personal matter that made me go 'well who cares anyway'.

These times will happen and this is when you have to not hit yourself over the head and be kind to yourself and say 'OK not been at it for a few days now' and let bygones be bygones and start afresh.

Strategy -  Number one - Be kind to thy self... as that is how one survives the 'process'.

That is all!

Now contemplating my navel to encourage me to get started again.  Trust me it wont take long....

Chiz all
Anita
(who is still obviously struggling with the 'process')

Paperless society - bloody hell NO!

Hi guys,

I have got to the stage in the 3rd bedroom where it gets difficult to sort through...  you see it is the papers, photos etc that take time to deal with.

I remember back to when Mum was in palliative and how she used to look at me with such sorrow and she just kept saying to me 'I am so sorry that I have left you with this mess'. Mum's family has longevity and her early demise to cancer caused by a chemical she worked with robbed her of 15 to 20 years of life.  The chemical causes liver cancer 100% with contact and the that is 'Carbo Tetra Chlorine Ethaline'.

She fully intended to deal with her situation and was in the 'process' of  learning how to let go.  She may have never done it to the extent I have and I accept that, but at least she understood that it had to be done.  I would reassure her that such is life and said I would be fine, not to worry and that I would try to honour her and to do the best I could.  Even though this settled her for awhile but she always felt she had unfinished business.  As time goes by I do get more brutal but the word brutal is in my terms and not as others who look on would.  All subjective.

It is the paperwork that is the hardest and most time consuming.  The paper has to be gone through and then shredded if at all possible. I have found things of historic value and yes they do need to go to the various places for archiving etc.  For instance, war stuff to Canberra or overseas, photos and film etc and so on. Then there are birth certificates and family information that may appear. Tax stuff. Medical stuff like Xrays. Etcetera Etcetera and so on... the list is endless and this is where taking a photo can be helpful for a certain amount of this material. 

With a memory card it is possible to downsize stacks of paper onto one card.

The reasons for holding onto paper varies from person to person.  At times it can be due to laziness... 'I'll get around to it later' is the usual one and in no time one can find they have a mountain to deal with, which then makes matters worse.  But no matter the reason the way back for all is usually much the same... hard work and heartfelt... at times for some it has some sort of value whether it is emotional or percieved value or being from an era that had disdain for waste. The fact remains it still has to be dealt with.  I hope that through my journey and openness that I can be of some use.

My mission is to destigmatise those that collect and those that hoard.  Sometimes these are mutually the same, but not always.  I have taken to getting a single box and while watching TV at night slowly looking through and then tossing what is clearly rubbish plus 2 other piles being financial/medical stuff and the pieces I want to take photos of.  This is all very time consuming and laborious, but has to be done. 

I say this as in 2000 I was moving from one house to another house 5 doors away and had to get out quickly.  At the time of the move I had been bitten by 'something' and was feeling unwell.  A few friends came to help and tossed alot of paper out which they thought was 'nothing' and I know my passport went along with it!  That is why one has to go through it physically.  It is a fact not a want. 

Being unwell at the time of the move, I thought I would get back to the paper later, but that night my neck up through the back of my skull and fast moving down my forehead - my skin was massively swollen, red hot, bubbling almost and I was in agony.  I got the kids minded by neighbours and took myself off in a taxi to the Monash Clayton hospital.  I was admitted and told I had approximately 24hours to live if they didn't get this to stop immediately as they were guessing. 

I said my goodbyes to my Mum and told her what to say to the children and put myself in the hands of the doctors.  I was in so much pain I just didn't have the heart or mind to care either way.  I just wanted the pain and heat to stop.  I ended up in the stroke ward for 8 days on a drip and slowly recovered.  My energy was totally shot and took me up to a year to recover.  I was very grateful to be alive.

However, in the meantime all that paperwork got taken away while I was in hospital.  Gone forever.  The house I went to was really a condemned type of place, but financially I had no choice but to live there.  My daughter stayed with the neighbours and my son with my parents and when I came home to the new rental all was still in boxes and being ill and no energy I never fully got on top of the situation for a very long long time.  As soon as I would do anything I would start to sweat and have to take a break.  It took so long to even get to the point where it felt like a home like all my previous places had.  But I pressed on glad to be alive to be able to do so eventually. 

Life isn't always kind or go the way you expect and one has to adapt.  For me I had to adapt big time and ever since then it has been a long slow 'process'.  When there is one road block or disaster one after the other back to back you never seem to get on top of things fully and this can be frustrating to the extreme.  But I had no choice in this.  Shit happens and I just had to keep on going in any way I could.

It is what it is and that is why I now choose to live life as it happens and participate in it rather than only concentrating on the 'process' to be done at my pace so as not to exhaust myself.

I helped Mum with her Mum's house in 1999 which took us 6 months of weekends and most weekdays to achieve... we found 8 bottles of whisky once! Bonus! Nicely aged I may add.

If you find yourself in a position looking after another, you may also find yourself having to deal with a 'full' house of that loved one who has gone into lets say aged care.  This can be a very difficult time for the one who has gone into care and also for the ones who have to take care of 'matters' outside. 

This all takes it toll on your normal day to day habits and the added burden can be devastating.  No one else will notice as people think before experiencing it that it is easy.  Afterall, all you have to do is just go there, make a few calls and hey how hard could that be!  Also, where you live and the distance to the house of the loved one that you now find yourself looking after on top of your own commitments can be vast - it takes it's toll in many ways especially on your car... all those added k's. I drove my little Gemini into the ground and had no way of buying another at the time I was looking after Mum and as Mum could no longer drive and she relied on me for her care 24/7 so I had no choice but to buy hers. It was approximately the same value and I didn't like it as it was too big. But again, I was not in a position to complain. 

I looked after Mum for a long time with some council assistance etc while I was raising 2 children and recovering from my mystery illness.  My priority regarding my personal time was my family then parttime work and decluttering my stuff got a look in lower on the list.  However, I did get rid of alot as the house I lived in was very very damp and began to ruin alot of my gear.  Living in that damp also did not help my recovery to good health.  Extreme damp does effect your health and am so glad that we are all out of that house. 

This is where you will find out who in your family will help willingly, begrudgingly or just not at all to share the workload.  Some families are lucky and will pitch in together collectively which spreads the load and lightens it massively on each individual.  Some will shirk giving assistance at all costs and leave it up to one person only. When this happens that one person's health gets affected due to the massive workload involved.  Which is why I choose to do things slowly and what I did do on a day to day basis with my healths best interest in mind.  All the same I have an existing heart condition and on top of all this added workload and stress my pulminary artery enlarged.  It is manageable but am now under on-going cardiac care.  A bit of trivia here - you may be aware that carers get sick more times out of many before the one they are caring for. 

It is important to decide what it is you want to achieve and in what time frame if only with your health in mind.

Now I am telling you all this as when you are under the pump and extremely stressed and health is not good this impacts on ones ability to do those extra tasks such as 'getting rid of excess stuff'.  I was almost at a point where I was about to get on top of my own gear when Mum took a turn for the worse.  These road blocks get in the way and end up making you feel even more frustrated and at times even angry.  It took me some years to just realise 'to go with the flow' rather than continue to stress all the time.

Stress, anger, depression or any negativity for that matter slows the 'process' down very much so - just as much as events do.

An old favourite quote is 'Work to LIVE not Live to WORK!' 

I have found when one has emotional support from others who are not 'judgemental' helps one to get through. Not necessarily any easier just more able to cope.

I started this post about paper...  I think I have meandered... but it is all valid and hope helpful...  We all have a story and when I hear anyones story it never ceases to amaze me how resilliant we all are. 

If 'stuff' is now my only problem then I am truly lucky.  Things could and can be a whole lot worse.

Chzi all

Anita who is on the way to freedom of my inherited 'stuff'.

How does one become overwhelmed!

Hi guys,

How each person gets into being overwhelmed by 'stuff' is different.  For me it was thrust upon me in a short space of time.  How one cope's also varies. 

This is my personal journey of how I got 'here'!

My daughter and I have been busy getting the 3rd bedroom cleared for her to move into. 

You may think that this is taking so long, but as I elluded to before this was thrust upon me.  If only you knew what I have had to go through just to get to this stage!

A few years back I had a lot of 'stuff' myself.  I was also housing some gear of a friend who was overseas for a few years.  Due to my Mum's illness I had to close the rental (yet still renting), give up my job and move in with her to take care of her more closely than before.

I had to quickly clear out 2 rooms so my son and I could move in and stored these boxes in a very kind neighbours garage.  Mum herself never threw anything away.  We are talking Christmas cards, wrapping paper, stockings (for the vegie patch of course), pieces of material, every shoe she had, dozens of umbrellas, all her handbags and the list goes on.  She also brought home after her Mum died alot of her 'stuff' as well.  Mum also then took on another friends 'stuff' after he died.  Can you see where I am leading here?  This almost killed my Mum.  She hated every minute of this 'process' as it had to be rushed.  Mum wanted to tell me about every piece of item that went through our hands.  It's the chatting that takes time... but it is important for the person letting go to talk and tell their stories.  It's part of 'their' letting go. 

Mum and Dad were of Baltic European background and being of the war years held onto everything - just in case!  Being that they had to walk away from everything - everything becomes important.  Mum had a small suitcase that she left her homeland with at the start of WWII...  at one stage in some country in Europe they had to leave that behind also as soldiers where on the advance and there was no time to retrieve their precious belongings.  So I can understand why my parents, especially my Mum as to why she held on so tight. 

But Mum got sick real fast and ended up in palliative for 4 months and the roller coaster ride for me began.  Running between the Bermuda triangle was just dreadful - I went from Mum's home, my son's school, my now vacant rental housing with all my 'stuff' in another suburb and the Hospital.  Trying to stay with Mum so she was not alone and take care of her needs and try and keep some semblance of dignity for her.  I had already been taking care of Mum for over 6 years by now along with my son who also had high medical needs due to heart issues and was becoming more and more exhausted by the day.  But adrenalin kicks in and takes over and you plough on through somehow. 

When Mum did finally pass away I was bereft and unable to think or cope as I had another older sis who was making demands and making life even more difficult.  And being in a house full of 'stuff' didn't help.  But I also did not have the financial means or energy to cope with it.

I had to get out of the rental.  My only option was to pack up what I could and store it under the Carport.  For a while there I truly looked like steptoe and son personified.  I still do, which makes me feel ashamed. Will post some photos soon to show you the 'process'.  At that time many came to help me out and heaps got tossed into 2 huge dumpsters and much more into bins and again carloads to other places.  I also gave beds, TVs, a small fridge, my expensive couches and dining room table to 2 families who had never had 'nice' stuff before.  One of them had had their house torched so they needed it more than I did. 

People will help for a while, but they have their own lives to lead so I have been careful not to ask too often for assistance.  I would rather have my friends and the 'stuff' than the 'stuff' gone and my friends gone as well.  Not all of us get the luxury of a huge team to swoop in and magically do it all for you.  I have to say the 'process' is slow because one has to do it themselves and it does take time when it is massive.

A few say to me 'Oh just do this' or 'Oh it is easy - you just get the Salvos to come and get it' etc etc etc.  Some of these supposed prophets have never been in this situation.  Some have had a room or garage to clear... which is small fry compared to what I have had to go through.  And no the Salvos don't always come and get it or take it for that matter.  Also, it takes time to pack the endless bags and boxes and drive it to the depots where they will accept 'certain' items only and unload.  All this after sorting for hours already.  Sheer tiredness hits.  So NO 'Oh' me as it is not that clear cut or simple.

Initially, I ended up having 'stuff' under the Carport, in the neighbours garage and a big pellett load at a friends factory on a mezzanine floor in Richmond for housing.  On top of that I had the lounge room packed to the brim like a lock up storage facility, incluing my Mums bedroom.  I had given Mums bed etc away to the Sallies so I could use the room.  Mum had the corridor packed with shelves that were a fire hazzard.  It really was a nightmare, but there was little I could do about the situation at that time immediately, but accept that I will somehow turn it around.

So began my journey.

Where to start!

Well, one shelf at a time.  Life, looking after children, all commitments and looking for work collectively takes time and takes away the opportunity to get things done quickly. 

There is only 'one' hard rubbish a year in the area of which I live and I missed the first one.  However, a kind male friend took a few loads to the tip for me.  I have the carport almost cleared.  The pellett at the factory has gone.  The corridor no longer has shelves.  More importantly we have a lounge room again... a friend gave me her gorgeous lounge suite which I love.  And I am now tackling what's in my neighbours garage which has been there for nearly 4 years now.  I just gave away my $2,000 bed base away to a family who I know will appreciate it...  I watched it drive away down the road and felt - yes it is right - I need a bed myself but the house is small and a queen size wont fit - so yes it was the right thing to do.

I have given away soooo much 'stuff'.  But if you came to visit me now you would more than likely think 'good heavens' as there still is soooo much stuff when you look around! 

It has taken me 3 years to get to this point in time.  Along the way my big sis who lived in Sydney died shortly after Mum.  Many other events have gotten in the way of my progress in this area.  But I plough on regardless.  Even if I get just one bag into the bin that week.  Then I feel I have chinked away just that little more.  The 'process' can, does and will take time.  Especially if you are on your own. 

I point this out as you can feel the judgement, the disdain, the 'Oh how could you live like this' as if it were a choice.

I have finally started to accept not to feel shame, but rather accept this as a growth experience.  One that will end up being more positive than I can at this moment see, imagine or feel as yet. 

I have to trust the 'process'.

In the meantime, my daughter and I have finally broken the camels back in that 3rd bedroom.  The fact that she loads up her car and drives it to the depot has been a godsend for me.  Even though she needs the room I am happy for her help as that help as sped up the 'process' and for that I am extremely pleased.

Let's see how long it is now for her to be back living here - I am predicting in 2 to 3 weeks time making it early to mid March.  Oh happy days!

So, to whoever reads this and whatever you may think of me - if you are a fellow hoarder/collector who has been tipped over the edge for whatever reason, then take heart that slow does win the race and if you are someone who is not a hoarder/collector of any kind spare a thought for the 'process' we have to go through to get back to 'our' normality!

Bit of a longish blog this time...  will try to be brief next time...

Cheers all
Anita

When life takes a turn!

Hi guys,

This week has been a tough one.  Haven't done as much as I would have liked, but hey it is not every day you get 'let go' from your job!  Apparently, the small company that I recently joined has lost some seriously big accounts and being the last one in and no matter how good I am - I am the first one out.  Bummer.  Not personal just business.  I understand it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

And to add to the mix of my week - my car's water pump decides to give up the ghost.  I mean really, give me a break.  At least I didn't 'cook' the engine or anything else.  Small mercies. 

In light of events in one's life this can impact heavily on the progress one makes in the area of decluttering.  Yes, once it is done you feel a whole lot better, but getting to it when you are heavy with thought is an entirely different beast and battle altogether.

Apart from the worry of finances when one is giving away and throwing out perfectly good items it then becomes just that more difficult when out of work  ...  you worry that you may throw out something that you might need... now don't cringe at that one... but I cannot see the point in then having to go buy it again when you do need it!!!  See the dilemma!!! 

It makes no sense to most people why hoarders do this, but if you look at the reason behind the stress you then might just get it.  For me it has mainly been due to circumstance and lack of money.  However, when the 'stuff' gets out of hand then the issue of the 'stuff' overtakes your reasoning, which then gets buried beneath the pile and usually forgotten.

What I have to do is not get down into a funk, but  instead keep slogging away.  Hard to do funnily enough.  Organised my daughter to come today to do some more and once I do that I know I will get back on track.  It is the starting that is a huge hurdle. 

My daughter has been helping clear out the third bedroom that was full to the gunnels for 2 weeks now.  It was during one of these recent forays my daughter, Aija found an item that caused us much laughter.  It was an item that a child should only find upon their parents death!  Yes, folks she found something that I got in Amsterdam.  To which her curiosity knew no bounds and being that I was unable to curb my raucous laughter explained the story without scarring her for life.  She has vowed to regail all at my funeral with this story!  Oh dear!  What have I done! 

In the meantime, there are papers that have to be gone through.  There are bits'n'pieces that have to be looked at.  It is not as simple as just throwing it out and when there are huge amounts it can feel insurmountable.  In my case what makes matters worse, more than half belonged to my Mum and GrandMum!  

I have to choose which I items I care to keep and which to give away.  The problem when having a daughter help is I wanted to give away these cups, but Aija pipes up and says no they are unique and should be kept!  Don't worry folks she is quite happy to throw the rest out instead.  Decisions like - what to keep can come quickly, but not always.  At times one can falter and you start to second guess yourself.  The minute you do this walk away and come back later and just go with your first instinct.  Second guessing yourself just delays the 'process' tenfold and only makes you even more frustrated and annoyed with yourself.  When this situation does happen go get a cuppa tea, take a deep breath and regroup and return a little later with all the positivity you can muster and attack the task with a brand new attitude.

As you can see, it is all to do with one's peace of mind, attitude and wellness.  This can be acieved with head down bum up to reconnect with a more positive attitude to continue with the 'process'.

What a funny week I have had and that while I am 'letting go' I have just been 'let go'. 

There is a certain symmetry to that.

Chiz all,
ANITA

Little victories along the way!

Hi guys,

Since starting my decluttering... a lot of my things including clothes have been packed away for a long time in bags and boxes.  Due to the death of my Mum and then shortly thereafter my dearest and oldest sister I could not face looking at anything.  Slowly I have allowed the grief flow over me to once more one bag or box at a time to shed the weight that I am living under for the past 8 years.

Due to the fact that my daughter needs to move back in with us we have been busily emptying the 3rd bedroom for her to use.  It was packed to the door! 

We have managed to go through 3/4 of it so far with most going to the Salvation Army and a fair portion into the bins.  I have kept 2 big boxes to try my had at Ebay.  What doesn't sell then gets passed onto the Sallies.

In the meantime, I have found the odd item or two of clothing that I have forgotten about.  Today I wore one of these items and was told I 'looked a million dollar'.  Now there is a victory in my decluttering.  That one I will take and keep.  However, I was 'let go' from my position as the company has lost 3 major clients in the past few months and being last in I am the first out.  I really like what I am doing - so sad and disappointment would fail to describe how I feel.  I will remain positive and not let this stop me making way with the clutter around me. 

It is times like these that it is so easy to get into a funk and stop what good progress one has been making.  More time on your hands does not necessarily mean you get more done... usually you get down and totally stop dead in your track due to the negativity one feels.  I will have to work on ways to get around this... so on the hustings to find another part-time job starts now...

Wish me luck in finding another job!

Chiz
Anita

ps - the positive in decluttering is you find wonderful treasures and this time they are going out on display to be enjoyed.

Hoarder's Helping Hoarders!

Hi guys,

This is the first and official opening of a hoarders blog...  Will try and get this to link into Facebook eventually, but will need time to get to that. 

In the meantime, I think it is time for those of us who have 'too much stuff of any sort' to place a positive spin on the name or word 'HOARDER'! 

Most of the time no one would know who you are or even know you like to keep or collect or find it just that little bit harder to let go.  However, when the scales tip too far one way due to some unforseen event/s - then every one feels entitled to let you know what they think.  Do I go into someone's home and say 'Ohhh, how sterile' or 'Hmmm, don't have much!' or a glance that just lets you know.  Hell no!

In light of this it is time to destigmatise the word 'HOARDER'.  There are many levels of hoarding and many ways to help without making one feel ashamed.  We can have fun you know.  So here is a hoarder who wants to support other hoarders through the maze of unloading in a fun positive manner.

After all it is just a process.  For some it will take longer than others and we all don't have a TV crew to sweep in for a weekend and voila - instant no mess!  It just doesn't happen that way in the real world.

My favourite quote in the regard is "This is not clutter!  These are my antiques!'

I was trying to think of positive names for a group where people could share their stories and support each other through a difficult period of 'decluttering' etc.  Here are some of them...


- 20 box your way to feel unloaded.

- How to let go without feeling guilty!

- How to outwit the hoarder within...

- Hoarding got me here - Now how to get out!

- Is your hoarding getting the better of you?

- If a person from a 100 sq home had to move into an 11 sq home - does that meant they instantly become a hoarder also?        -  this one is a tad long and a work in progress...


The reason for this blog is to show that those that don't keep things that those that do are no different in many ways to them.  I myself cannot understand minimalism.  It just doesn't compute.  It all started from having lots of stuff myself, then storing others gear and then moving in to look after a parent who also had an enormous amount of stuff kept over the years along with their Mum's stuff after they passed on along with some other deceased guys gear.  Now how the hell do you minimise from 5 households down to one manageable unit in a small home while living in it and looking after a gravely ill person and children to boot with no support.  No mean feat, but have managed to unload alot so far, but much more to still go.  But this has not happened without heaps of angst and heartache over the last 4 years.  Most of my friends understood to a point and were wonderful.  But I can only expect or accept so much from them as they have their own lives to lead.  There comes a time when you have to take charge and when that time comes you do know it.

I love giving and knowing that it may or will help others makes it that more easier to purge and release.  I even took to taking a photo of some precious thing that had a fond memory attached in order to let the item go.  Those in the ravages of these current floods have no choice in the matter - the waters swept their lives from under them.  So I plod on toward that picture perfect home I have in my minds eye.

I hope that this will help others to know that we shouldn't feel ashamed.  That we just feel things differently and what is so wrong with that.  Yes, if what you have is rotting - then that is not good.  Yes, if what you have harbours rats, cockroaches and mice etc - then again that is not good also.  Yes, if what you have means you or anyone cannot get around to do your usual daily activities etc - then once more that is not good.  It is before anyone gets to this point that I am talking about and wish to debunk.

Feel free to chime in and comment - hopefully more in the positve or witty vane.  This is meant to be helpful not harmful.

I am now into 4 years of decluttering.  It took only a few years prior to that to tip the scales of imbalance and then it was an avalanche.  The way in is just as hard as the way out.

How I started was really quite simply - one box at a time - one shelf at a time - one corner at a time.  Then cry a little more - then one more box a day later - another tear - another shelf  - another day and slowly slowly it starts to change. 

While one is in the process of decluttering you do get into what I call a 'holding pattern' of looking as it in a bigger mess.  This is part of the process.  It means things are moving on out.  For some it seems important to handle an item once.  This is good if one can achieve it, but I don't dwell on it if I don't get to do that as I know it is one its way out anyway.  So I look at the positive rather than beat myself up over it.

It is a process that takes time...  and everyones timeline will vary...  it is when others look on and perceive that you 'look like' you have done nothing when in fact you have been a very busy beaver that the hurt comes into play.  You know you have filled that rubbish bin with precious memories, but appears no one else believes you.  This is where you have to keep on like a Berger Paint and just slog on and one day the doubters begin to see the light.  Literally!

Again, it is a process...  again, one that takes time and perserverence against those that keep on putting you down. 

There is so much more that I could share right now.  I shall leave that for another day.  Even if I chat to myself - then my 'self' will get to finish the job I started with this blogs support, help and assistance.  And if anyone joins in on the way then all the better.

Cheers from an almost liberated hoarder
Anita