Hi Guys,
Boy o boy! It doesn't take much to get sidetracked from one's task at hand.
Jobs, commitments (personal or otherwise), promises, wishes and life in general sure know how to get in the way of such a task.
I was meant to be happily esconsed in my newly painted room by now. I am afraid to say that we have come to a complete halt mid project!
The last few weekends have been filled to the brim with voluntary work and other 'had to do' commitments. These so called full weekends usually do not run back to back, but have right now just when I needed time on my side the very most.
This weekend is no exception. Even taking into consideration this Tuesday being a public holiday here in Melbourne for the Spring Racing Carnival season. Yes, the race that stops a nation is almost here - The Melbourne Cup! I know what I will be doing. Sanding and more sanding. Then dusting, wiping and cleaning so I can finish the enamel painting.
The weather has been too cold on the weekends to even be bothered to do a bit at a time.
So, not only do I have the issue of 'downsizing', I now find myself inert and trying to find the motivation 'within'. Not easy to find when one is prone to procrastinate anyway.
This stop-start bizo is not helping me with my end mission at all.
My daughter and her boyfriend will be here next weekend to finish the second coat for the feature wall and then they plan to move me in the weekend later if commitments allow. This should put a bomb under my botbot. As long as I am in by Christmas I will be a happy camper. I have enforced holidays from the festive season time and hope to get the Dining Room table clear of the computer and my old childhood bedroom set up as a Study at long last. Well, even though I am sounding like a record, that is the plan a least.
I have been having way too much fun outside of work and due to this getting even more tired to then do the extra's. Never a good thing.
I wont be able to buy the bedhead as planned and hope to Gumtree/eBay some items over the holidays to prop up the lack of funds to get me through the holidays. Due to the enforced holiday taking, of which I have only accrued so many days of annual leave, 2 weeks in fact, the company is closing for 4 weeks! Yeeks, which means a huge shortfall. What with mortgage payments, Christmas, bills and so on it is going to be one 'stay at home holiday' and will be looking into free fun things to do. I don't want my entire break to be spent on duty alone.
I haven't had a true holiday, as in 'go away' somewhere exotic to be pampered in a very long time. Years, in fact. A lot of you reading this also haven't, of this I am sure. I don't really mind, it just would be nice to do it without worrying about finances. But, why should this Christmas be any different! No matter, I wont have time to feel sorry as I have plenty to do and will be keeping myself busy, fruitfully or otherwise. If the weather is good I will go to the beach or pool in my new cozie (bathers to those not from Australia) to get that holiday feel going.
Decluttering does at times take money to do, so this is going to impede my progress in some areas. I will have to regroup and restrategise how to get around these issues so they don't become problematic.
I did go through a box last night with photos by Mum from a time long gone. So many wonderful memories. Here are one or two.
This one is with Mum, then myself (around 18), my big sis Sylvia who I miss dearly and Grandmum. All gone and very much loved and in my heart. This photo is on the steps of the house I now live - the family home.
This is of me at my confirmation and I was 19. I am standing in the very spot of what is now the carport and where all the remaining boxes are stacked and need to be sorted through and dealt with. When that day comes, all I can say is 'Oh, what a feeling!', and start running around doing a Flashdance sequence... well, maybe not. Just may get inwardly excited instead.
This is the nice side to decluttering. Unearthing these personal treasures and at times family history.
Have a few things other than the room to get done today. Wish me luck to get the motivation and nice weather for Tuesday, which is a day off to take advantage of.
One day at a time folks.
I did google myself. Yes, I did. To find out how people see my blog. Surprising what you find and what is out there. Also, pieces are taken from what one has written and boy could you take some of that out of context.
In the end, this blog is about taking away the shame and stigma attached to those who find themselves in a big mess of clutter no matter 'from-to' what degree or at least lessen the magnitute of that shame and stigma one can feel. It is about being kind to yourself while going through this process. It is about how to find your individual way to 'let go' of the stuff without being an emotional wreck and made to feel worthless.
I decided to 'let it all hang out' here, so to speak, to see where this journey would take me and as we so often hear others say, 'I hope it helps even just one other person to cope and get through'.
For me destigmatising this issue is most important.
I was asked to join in on a discussion on the topic of 'Hoarders' from an Internet Newspaper run from NYC area. They contacted me that day, which meant in the middle of the night for me. Being that I live in Australia I was still asleep. Shame as by the time I contacted them the skype conference interview was already done and dusted.
I viewed said piece, which was relatively handled well, with respect and compassion in most parts. The panel of people were comprised of a medical expert on the subject that hoarding is a 'mental illness or disconnect', an elderly woman who grew up in a house of a hoarder and another younger woman who married a guy whose parent/s are hoarder/s.
Notice there is 'NO ONE' who is an actual hoarder!!!
The medical opinion was mainly concentrated on the severe end of the pendulum, which if you look at statistically is very minimal when taking in across the entire possible range. By concentrating on that end alone it only serves to push those with a lesser degree of the problem to feel ashamed and go further underground to hide the fact and in so doing deny themselves the very help and assistance that they may need and compound their problem even further. In what way does this help the person living in this situation?
The elderly woman went on about the filth and the fire hazard and how she felt about her Mum mainly. Again, this case was at the extreme and severe end of the spectrum of hoarding. One that obviously did need intervention, but threats made only isolated the person who was at the centre of this situation and would have benefited more with a show of compassion and respect rather than feel attacked. Personal put downs never serve a purpose or achieve the end goal, which is to get the abode to a more acceptable level of healthy living. This still can be achieved via kindness and a gently helping hand. Whatever happened to encouragement!
The younger woman went on that this type of behaviour was 'abuse' of the children that live in such 'squalor' and was obviously very angry with her in-laws and went on to make the sweeping accusation that these children went without due to the 'stuff' being a priority. I suspect there is more to this story than just the stuff. She was extremely intolerant and she even made me feel like shit listening to her. She continued to say police should be brought in to deal with these people.
Again, this is the extreme end of the spectrum.
Well, if one had a problem, you certainly wouldn't tell her for fear of retribution. Her apparent lack of empathy to find out what could be at the heart of her husbands families problems didn't seem important. Just swift brutal action. Don't think I would want her in my corner personally.
I can understand the frustration. However, finger pointing and name calling just inflames the situation. Never fixes it.
The interviewer did moderate by trying to keep the discussion on point. The topic should have stated that it was dealing only with the severe end of the spectrum. What we need is for the community to see that there are various degrees to what we term hoarding. All the main spokespersons had experience from the severe end of dealing with hoarding, apart from the medical expert the other two, especially the younger woman only saw this with massive emotional baggage and judgement. Which in turn only serves to keep this cycle going that we are all trying to thwart or deminish.
Not sure if I have made my point clear here, but hope so. I suppose what I am trying to say is we shouldn't put all those with the problem of hoarding into one basket. For example, are all those that drink alcohol - alcoholics and so forth.
The discussion should delve more into how it starts, where it starts, how it can easily happen and the fact that most who end up this way are usually elderly, sick or infirmed and need compassion and not disdain and judgemental assistance to get the job done. Usually those helping and thankfully so have never had a problem with 'stuff', hence why I started this blog - to help those helping - whether a hoarder or not do it without making the one they are wanting to help the most feel worse than when they started.
Being that I have the hoarding problem I wanted to help others via my own experience. I still like my original quote from my very first entry on this blog well over a year ago now. 'This is not clutter! These are my antiques!'
If it hadn't been for my children and friends, I don't know if I could have achieved what I have achieved thus far. There have been a few who have made me feel like utter crap and made to feel like a bad person for allowing this to happen (as if I had a choice in the matter) and due to this have not asked for this so called 'strings attached help'. Those few still mean well, but it is more toxic than the stuff around you to your emotional well being.
It does have to be done firmly, yet with heart. No bulldozers. No accusations. Better done without any 'how could you have let this happen' comments. The start of decluttering and to keep the progress of working towards a better environment doesn't have to happen overnight either. It can be an acceptable slow process. As long as efforts are being made to rid oneself of the unnecessary items that clutter their day to day daily movement.
At least this Internet Newspaper tried to address what is a topic fraught with such emotion. Albeit in one portion of the topic.
I don't like the fact that I have inherited this situation, but moaning about it wont make it go away. I never made my Mum feel 'bad' that this is what happened. Not once. I am essentially a positive person and decided to be proactive about the stuff instead. I knew it would take me years and knowing this made it easier to decide to be kind to myself and try to deal with the stuff slowly with a plan much like a domino effect by compartmentalise how to go about getting the massive job started let alone continued with the vision to be done.
However, my own health and commitments didn't allow me to do as much as I wanted to like when I was much younger. With that in mind, I paced myself and prioritised the job with areas in mind. With patience that I needed in abundance, as there are times when you have to wait for the next step to happen, I slowly began to see results. What helped me was taking photos and lots of them for my eyes only at first of what I was initially dealing with and then as each step got done. Very much like a time lapse. It is amazing how we forget visually and these photos served me well to help keep me going. If I ever began to feel I was getting nowhere and this happens often. I would just remind myself what I started out with and where I was now by these visual props.
I don't like the fact that some people do look down on me. However, those who know me and love me know better and that is where I draw my strength from. I cannot concentrate on the negative. If I did then that would be the end of me and getting anything done at all. Also, I am truly blessed that most of my neighbours have been empathetic to my plight and have been nothing but supportive.
Overall, I hope that if you ever see a person appear to struggle or you suspect that they are struggling that you would offer to lend a hand without judgment or expectation in place of criticising. It is amazing what one simple kind act can do and lead to.
It can and you may as well as expect that this will be a long drawn out process as it has been for me as I knew it would. I use humour to get through and on with it. Life is far too short. I know I could have gone gangbusters had my health allowed, but I had to deal with my personal situation the best way I knew how and also keeping in mind my children. In my plan I chose to put people ahead of the job of gettng rid of the stuff. My children and friends come first and the next is work. Only after that comes dealing with the 'stuff'.
I chose to be kind to myself.
I choose to live a life that matters and what matters are my children and wonderful dear friends.
After all, it may be unimportant stuff to you, but think about how you would feel if someone judged you on 'deciding' that you have too much and came in and touched everything and tossed it all in a bin in front of you and you were powerless to do anything about it.
Food for thought for those who fortunately don't have the problem, but may have a family member that they see struggle with stuff.
What is important to you may not be important to another. This very comment may assist those that 'don't understand' to understand even just a little bit better how it feels to go through this process.
This issue of struggle and what I have shared I hope clarifies for those who do not struggle with stuff to even 'sort of' get it and also for all of us who do or don't get each other.
Again, all I can say is, be kind to thy self and take it one day at a time, breathe in breathe out and if all else fails go out and have a laugh instead.
Hopefully, by the next time the painting will be done.
If not, you have my permission to 'get on my case'!
Did I just write that! Be brave... leave it in... till then...
Cheers
Anita
