Time to ponder!

Hi Guys,

Had dinner last night with the most delightful ladies.  We all had a grand old time and much laughter.  Such a tonic at a much needed time.

One said she had read about the bedroom and I thought to myself had I steered from my original mission of this blog, which was to take away the 'shame' people feel or made to feel for being in what is a very tough situation for a multitude of reasons. 

The mission initially was to destigmatise the word and what is attached to 'Hoarders'.

Here is my very first blog....

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Hoarder's Helping Hoarders!

Hi Guys,

This is the first and official opening of a hoarders blog...  Will try and get this to link into Facebook eventually, but will need time to get to that. 

In the meantime, I think it is time for those of us who have 'too much stuff of any sort' to place a positive spin on the name or word 'HOARDER'! 

Most of the time no one would know who you are or even know you like to keep or collect or find it just that little bit harder to let go.  However, when the scales tip too far one way due to some unforseen event/s - then every one feels entitled to let you know what they think.  Do I go into someone's home and say 'Ohhh, how sterile' or 'Hmmm, don't have much!' or a glance that just lets you know.  Hell no!

In light of this, it is time to destigmatise the word 'HOARDER'. 

There are many levels of hoarding and many ways to help without making one feel ashamed.  We can have fun you know.  So here is a hoarder who wants to support other hoarders through the maze of unloading in a fun positive manner.

After all it is just a process.  For some it will take longer than others and we all don't have a TV crew to sweep in for a weekend and voila - instant no mess!  It just doesn't happen that way in the real world.

My favourite quote in the regard is "This is not clutter!  These are my antiques!'

I was trying to think of positive names for a group where people could share their stories and support each other through a difficult period of 'decluttering' etc.  Here are some of them...

- 20 box your way to feel unloaded.

- How to let go without feeling guilty!

- How to outwit the hoarder within...

- Hoarding got me here - Now how to get out!

- Is your hoarding getting the better of you?

- If a person from a 100 sq home had to move into an 11 sq home - does that mean they instantly become a hoarder also?        -  this one is a tad long and a work in progress...

The reason for this blog is to show that those that don't keep things that those that do are no different in many ways to them.  I myself cannot understand minimalism.  It just doesn't compute.  It all started from having lots of stuff myself, then storing others gear and then moving in to look after a parent who also had an enormous amount of stuff kept over the years along with their Mum's stuff after they passed on along with some other deceased guys gear. 

Now how the hell do you minimise from 5 households down to one manageable unit in a small home while living in it and looking after a gravely ill person and children to boot with no support.  No mean feat, but have managed to unload alot so far, but much more to still go.  But this has not happened without heaps of angst and heartache over the last 4 years. 

Most of my friends understood to a point and were wonderful.  But I can only expect or accept so much help from them as they have their own lives to lead.  There comes a time when you have to take charge and when that time comes you do know it.

I love giving and knowing that it may or will help others makes it that more easier to purge and release.  I even took to taking a photo of some precious thing that had a fond memory attached in order to let the item go.  Those in the ravages of these current floods have no choice in the matter - the waters swept their lives from under them.  So I plod on toward that picture perfect home I have in my minds eye.

I hope that this will help others to know that we shouldn't feel ashamed.  That we just feel things differently and what is so wrong with that.  Yes, if what you have is rotting - then that is not good.  Yes, if what you have harbours rats, cockroaches and mice etc - then again that is not good also.  Yes, if what you have means you or anyone cannot get around to do your usual daily activities etc - then once more that is not good. 

It is before anyone gets to this point that I am talking about and wish to debunk.

Feel free to chime in and comment - hopefully more in the positve or witty vane.  This is meant to be helpful not harmful.

I am now into 4 years of decluttering.  It took only a few years prior to that to tip the scales of imbalance and then it was an avalanche. 

The way in is just as hard as the way out.

How I started was really quite simply - one box at a time - one shelf at a time - one corner at a time.  Then cry a little more - then one more box a day later - another tear - another shelf  - another day and slowly slowly it starts to change. 

While one is in the process of decluttering you do get into what I call a 'holding pattern' of looking as if in a bigger mess.  This is part of the process.  It means things are moving on out.  For some it seems important to handle an item once.  This is good if one can achieve it, but I don't dwell on it if I don't get to do that as I know it is on its way out anyway.  So I look at the positive rather than beat myself up over it.

It is a process that takes time...  and everyones timeline will vary...  it is when others look on and perceive that you 'look like' you have done nothing when in fact you have been a very busy beaver that the hurt comes into play.  You know you have filled that rubbish bin with precious memories, but appears no one else believes you.  This is where you have to keep on like a Berger Paint and just slog on and one day the doubters begin to see the light.  Literally!

Again, it is a process...  again, one that takes time and perserverence against those that keep on putting you down. 

There is so much more that I could share right now.  I shall leave that for another day.  Even if I chat to myself - then my 'self' will get to finish the job I started with this blogs support, help and assistance.  And if anyone joins in on the way then all the better.

Cheers from an almost liberated hoarder

Anita

WOW, takes me back to how I felt way back when just reading this.

What a difference time makes.    
 
I am now almost 6 years into this journey.  Once I made that decision to just get the job done I have never looked back.  Looking back I can see I have done much.  But if you look at just now you would not know.  I chose to do it slowly to be kind to myself and not stress.  I don't cry as much anymore.  However, right now due to life issues I am finding it difficult and to read this and reflect on how I was just reaffirms that I should stay positive and keep on using humour to motivate myself.

This blog was intended to get me started.  Once written, then out in public ... well ... you just have to do it.  If time lapses too far inbetween blogs it just served as a timely reminder to get one's skates on.

It took me a long time to include photos as I was so down about the situation I had found myself in.  Wish I had a photo of what it was like at the beginning now so all could see how far I actually have come.  But I remember and that is important.

On reflection the worst part of going through this is the waiting when you need assistance from others to get to the next step.  This is not a complaint, but rather an observation so that those who are or find themselves in a similar situation to myself are aware that there will be many 'stop start' times to deal with along the way.

Looking back on what I wrote still rings true.

As for what I would call this blog now I probably should have called it along the lines of:- 

'Happy Decluttering' or

'Decluttering Made Easy'.

But, I am glad I chose the more difficult of titles and just put it all out there.  A hoarder trying to help other hoarders throught their 'stuff' with dignity, self respect and humour and that it is OK.  Nothing wrong with that.

I remember that I was getting a bit peeved with all the so called TV experts helping those with these issues and not ever having the problem or issue themselves.  And in doing so stressing the poor people even more the very ones they were supposed to be helping.

I noticed over and over again, it was never a person who had the problem or issue themselves out there blustering bullet points.  Why could it not be someone who had gone through what was happening to them, who could understand what the many reasons were, who could relate why an item meant so much, who could assist in a variety of ways to let go without the massive stress.

All this can be done, but done with kindness and compassion.  Unfortunately, this takes time.  Something most are not willing to give in this day and age.

I had seen on a show recently where a room - just one room - to fix, as it was overloaded and beyond useful.  However, they did the obligatory rubbish, recyle, keep, donate piles and a skip.  Amazing how much gets tossed into that skip.  The person whose precious stuff he had kept being so gleefully tossed ever so quickly without time for him to digest what was happening or the ability to have a say, was sifting through the skip only for the presenter to come over and roll their eyes around.  Now was this necessary.  Hell no.  To me that was just sheer rudeness.

Here is this guy who was surprised by the family and still allowed them to go ahead due to pressure.  The events would have been rushed all in one day and in amongst the tossing would be family memorabilia and stories and his blood pressure would have been rising and going through the roof.  He should have been shown more respect than that.  Just because the TV Show was doing a 'do over' does not mean they had the right to stomp on someone’s emotions so abruptly.

This presenter and crew were in and out in a day to then leave the aftermath behind.  What's with that!  What if some crew barged into their home and went for it.  Nah ... simply just not right.  What got me was the presenter rolling their eyes at this poor bloke who had no time to prepare for this, nor allowed the time to see where his 'stuff' was going due to being done so quickly! 

As well intentioned as this may seem or appear, no one would like it being done to them.  And to be done so publicly.  These kinds of shows just help perpetuate the stigma, the shame attached to this problem.  Hence, why people hide it and don't discuss it, which then means they cannot do anything about it till it is too late and it becomes overwhelming and too much to handle. 

Time to stop the put downs, the assumptions and the attitude about this subject.  Not all hoarders get beyond this point.  But a life event can do just that and push anyone over to being overwhelmed, even a non hoarder.

Life is finite.  We do not know what lies ahead or around the corner for us.

I will get what I can get done. 

After all, I am sorting through 3 generations of 'stuff', most should have been dealt with long before, but left to the next poor bod to deal with due to unforseen circumstances or abilities, which just so happened to be me.  I am trying not to leave it all to the next generation, my children.  However, time will dictate that.  Hope to get this job done before I am done!

It is the history that is important for me.  There are papers that need to be kept that has some of our families tree and such from long past, along with photos that I can hopefully place names to faces.  That way it will be easier to pass on for those that one day will want to know or show interest in.

I am a somewhat emotional character and would rather remember than to forget where I came from.  The stock, the courage, the tenacity, the stories of those before.  This is what I treasure most.

My stories among other family members will be added.  I will either fade away or be an interesting character to some future generation.  Who knows.  But at least I will have made it just that little bit easier to find once I am done.

Then comes the question after I do get this all done, 'what then?'

As the character Scarlett O'Hara said in the movie, "After all... tomorrow is another day."

I will ponder on that when I get there.

Cheers all,
Hope I didn't bore you all with my review!
Anita

'Operation Bedroom' is done! Well!! Almost!!!

Hi Guys,

Cannot believe I have actually worked on the bedroom 3 days in a row!

Something to be said for writing about doing something publicly and then having to do it!

Got stuck into painting the cupboard doors yesterday, but the fumes got to me.  Had visitors, otherwise may have finished.  Well, maybe not.  With the one door and skirting still to go.

The visitors helped me put the pelmet back up.  Keith along with Zigis.

Here are the cupboard doors in all their new glory.

Pretty much sums up what I got done yesterday.

As for today I started with the bedroom door.  The fumes were unbearable.  More visitors which was welcomed by me to have a break from the fumes.  It was my wonderful next door neighbour with some grocery goodies to tied me over.  How did I get so lucky to have such wonderful, kind and considerate neighbours.  She is not only my neighbour, but a dear friend as well.  I am truly blessed and thankful.

You will notice that I had painted the surrounds to the doorway, but this is the before shot of the bedroom door pre-painted.

The colour had gone this aged yellow.

Here is the after photo.

Amazing the difference one coat makes and almost like a mirror!

I pressed on with the skirting.

The skirting is very thin as you can see from the photos.  I painted the top of the curve first and with a very wide putty scraper placed that against the lower skirting and pushed down the carpet and painted the thin side using the scraper as a barrier to the carpet. 

Having to work flat on the floor I kept getting cramps in the foot and calf as the going was slow.  It was tedious work, but well worth it.

I am done.  Finally. 

Why am I not overjoyed and bursting with happiness! 

Because I still have the chest of drawers to finish that has that same aged yellow look and needs a lift big time.

Then to fix some of the bits I wrecked on the aubergine wall.  Have to get a small paint pot for that.

Then vacuum the floor.  Move the furniture that I am keeping in there.  Next get help to move the bed into said new room after it has aired out a bit more.  Cannot afford a bedhead just yet, but that can wait.  Then organise the old bedroom and convert into a study and sort out the furniture from the garage over the road with my few last pieces left in there.  This will make my other neighbour very happy indeed.  Must make room for the old grammaphone that I kept of Mum and Dad that they bought in the early 60s.  Very retro.

This will mean a load of work as the Dining Room will have the computer vacating it's pride of place there to be moved to the study to make way for civilised eating habits once again in this house in a very very long time. 

So much more to do.

But I am getting there.  That I am.

This morning I had a call from a friend I thought I had lost.  She had sad news about one of her friends that I knew via her and had just died this morning (10/12/12) from the cancer she had so valiantly fought for sometime. 

Life is too fragile to take for granted. 

This was bittersweet as I got the chance to once again say welcome to one friend to only have to say goodbye to another.  Farewell.  Thanks for the hugs.  So glad that I bumped into you only a month or so ago at the hospital.  I was on my way in and you were on your way out and looking so happy. 

Dusi saldi Denise.

Taking time out to remember those we have loved and lost and still hold in our hearts so dearly.

Till next installment
Anita

How to 'go with the flow' when hit by a massive curve ball!

Hi Guys,

Been sometime since I last wrote, let alone do anything with my bedroom.  I am not as yet in there and still no where near doing so.

What happened you may ask?

Good question.

Well the day job I had on 15 November was pulled from under my feet abruptly.  I am not at liberty to say much at this moment due to this being a public space, but one of my clients said it quite aptly by stating 'asked too many question and now you're gone!'.

Nice pre Christmas present eh!  Very considerate.  Have no idea how I will get us through the next 2 or so months as this is not a good time to be out of work and pm top of that here in Victoria there are so many being retrenched as we speak.

Amazing how at the interview of a job you get told and promised one thing for the goal posts to be changed not long into the run.  Due to this, I have been extremely down and preoccupied at finalising my time and making sure every 'T' was crossed and every 'I' was dotted.

However, this is how I have been feeling.

It could be worse!

I am now free as a bird and looking steadfastly for anything other than a broker company to work for and even considering short-term contract work and will even go as far as to ask the employment people to help retrain me in another area to open up my employment options.  Have had a couple of almosts and do have an option or two that are not ideal, but help to a point. 

In the meantime, I am trying to get motivated to finish the bedroom. 

Today, I started the sanding of the skirting, cupboards and doors.  Then there will be the chest and the filing cabinet.  So much dust.  Will have to get it done as after that the cleaning will be massive.  Then and only then can I finish the easy bit of painting the enamel. 

If it wasn't for the dust, I don't think I would drag my feet so much.

How many of you out there hate the dust that this type of work involves.  Well, I have both my hands up as to how much I detest the dust.  And this is but one room!  With how many more to go!!!  Yeesch.  No wonder I have been procrastinating.

But, I cannot let the loss of my job get in the way. 

I must forge ahead. 

I must not steer away from my mission. 

I must stay on task.

Can you hear how I am trying to convince myself?

I am half way through the skirting and the cupboard doors done.  Did I mention the dust?  So much dust.  Just taking a break from the dust.  Quick cuppa tea and a good lie down ... no, forget the lie down ... and back to finish the last part of the skirting and that last door.  Then the drawers and filing cabinet.  Again, trying to convince myself.

Doesn't help that it is 40 degrees celsius here in Melbourne.  Storms are brewing overhead with hot northerly winds.  The worst kind.  Just washed the car yesterday.  Murphy's Law.  Should have realised the moment I washed the car that there would be dusty rain shortly after to undo all that hard work.

Back to the grindstone.

Tick Tock.  Tick Tock.

Welcome relief in a cool change came just as I started on the second round of sanding.  All skirting now sanded along with that last door.  Even managed two sides of the drawers.  A little bit more and then I can dust and vac all that dust so I can paint.  Just wish the prep work didn't take to long.  Just a little bit more to go.

Will write again asap after I have finished the painting.  Now that should spur me on.

Still may be in that room by Christmas or at the very least before 2013.  We can but hope.

Cheers all,
Anita

Consider me well and truly shoved!

Hi Guys,

Nothing like stating something publicly to get one going. 

Been a while since I renovated an entire Rosebud house (inside and out) with my friend Ali S.  I so enjoyed the wrecking side of the job.  But each part had it's joys and pitfalls.

Forgot though how long the prep work takes.  And as for enamel painting.  Far out.  The arm and back is buggered and I am only half way. 

Had to make a start on the windown frame before the helpers arrived as I wanted the windows to be dry to close.  So started with the top half.  May even get the pelment back up as well.  I might get lucky. 

Being white on white and in the sunlight you may not see the difference, but boy what an instant lift it does make.  Will try for a better shot later on when I do the doors where you will get to see the full impact.

In the meantime, my cherubs have arrived and have started cutting in on the feature wall.  We may have to make a dash for the paint shop as Imay not have enough to do that second coat.  So cutting in first just in case the shops are shut and then I can roll on my own tomorrow.  Well that's the plan.

This is worker cherub who I appreciate very much cutting in at skirting level.  My bones just wouldn't cope any more.  Better him than me.

And...

The other Boss cherub making sure the job is done just right.

She is so thrilled at my documenting this entire project!

Ah, the love of a child is so precious. 

Meanwhile, other child is playing guitar, but little does he know that he will be sanding the cupboard doors next!  A job that he is sure to enjoy immensely.

Well, I have achieved what I wanted to do and that is get me to do what needed to be done while the weather allowed.

Last will be resanding the skirting boards and the cupboard doors as well as both sides of the bedroom door.  May as well get the corridor side started.  Then the enamel paint on said skirting.  Now that will be fun for me.  Fine cutting in to be done here at floor level.  I can see massive amounts of back massages being needed during this process. 

And by making my new bedroom door newly painted, thus looking vastly different to the rest of the corridor will help motivate me to get that done next after the domino effect project after the bedroom is fully painted and fitted out.

One thing always leads to another.

Just finished the other half of painting the window frame. 

Just in the nick of time before the sunset!

At least this part is done and dusted and looking like I will be in said bedroom before Christmas. 

Now this will be a wonderful gift to self!

For the third and last time today,

Cheers
Anita - till next my instalment.

When push comes to shove!

Hi Guys,

Mini update and progress report number two, while I take a mini break and wait for my daughter and boyfriend to arrive.

Didn't want to not do what I intended to do and that was sand, dust, wipe and tape the window edges and panes.

Here is the little beauty that is my new friend for some time to come.  The borrowed Ryobi Yellow Peril.  Thanks to my gorgeous friend Ali S. for lending me this wonder.  It makes sanding so much faster and easier and less taxing on my back and arms.

The other Yellow Peril!

Managed to do all the little edges for the entire window which created loads of fine dust.  Made sure I wore the mask and eye protection.

So much dust.  Had to wipe down the feature wall as well.

Oops!  Oh well at least it isn't in my hair...

Or is it?  You probably cannot see the fine film of dust and I hope it comes out easily.

Taped all windows ready to paint without stressing about going on the window pane to make the job so much easier for me to do.  It is after all, all about the prep work.

Lick of paint coming up.

Next should be the feature wall being finished with the last coat.  Hope I don't have to get more paint for that and that what I have left is enough. 

After the wall and the window I have the skirting to do which is not so easy as down low and three large doors which is not so hard as I can use a mini roller for that.

At least I started as the weather is great for oil based paint to dry. 

Note to self - make sure no bugs fly in and get stuck in the paint.

Cheers
Anita now waiting on that help!

Need that all important nudge!

Hi Guys,

I am sitting here on this beautiful sunny day getting all my other stuff done instead of working on my new room, which I allocated this very day for self to do.  My daughter and her boyfriend will be here in a few hours to finish off the feature wall.  I need to do sanding and wont be able to after they paint!  At least till the paint dries.

So I decided to get on here.  Say that I am.  So that I will!

We shall see!

Back to here later and hopefully sooner rather than later.

Cheers
Anita - help gratefully received!!! 

Losing momentum is easy to achieve!

Hi Guys,

Boy o boy!  It doesn't take much to get sidetracked from one's task at hand.

Jobs, commitments (personal or otherwise), promises, wishes and life in general sure know how to get in the way of such a task.

I was meant to be happily esconsed in my newly painted room by now.  I am afraid to say that we have come to a complete halt mid project!

The last few weekends have been filled to the brim with voluntary work and other 'had to do' commitments.  These so called full weekends usually do not run back to back, but have right now just when I needed time on my side the very most.

This weekend is no exception.  Even taking into consideration this Tuesday being a public holiday here in Melbourne for the Spring Racing Carnival season.  Yes, the race that stops a nation is almost here - The Melbourne Cup!  I know what I will be doing.  Sanding and more sanding.  Then dusting, wiping and cleaning so I can finish the enamel painting. 

The weather has been too cold on the weekends to even be bothered to do a bit at a time. 

So, not only do I have the issue of 'downsizing', I now find myself inert and trying to find the motivation 'within'.  Not easy to find when one is prone to procrastinate anyway.

This stop-start bizo is not helping me with my end mission at all.

My daughter and her boyfriend will be here next weekend to finish the second coat for the feature wall and then they plan to move me in the weekend later if commitments allow.  This should put a bomb under my botbot.  As long as I am in by Christmas I will be a happy camper.  I have enforced holidays from the festive season time and hope to get the Dining Room table clear of the computer and my old childhood bedroom set up as a Study at long last.  Well, even though I am sounding like a record, that is the plan a least.

I have been having way too much fun outside of work and due to this getting even more tired to then do the extra's.  Never a good thing. 

I wont be able to buy the bedhead as planned and hope to Gumtree/eBay some items over the holidays to prop up the lack of funds to get me through the holidays.  Due to the enforced holiday taking, of which I have only accrued so many days of annual leave, 2 weeks in fact, the company is closing for 4 weeks!  Yeeks, which means a huge shortfall.  What with mortgage payments, Christmas, bills and so on it is going to be one 'stay at home holiday' and will be looking into free fun things to do.  I don't want my entire break to be spent on duty alone. 

I haven't had a true holiday, as in 'go away' somewhere exotic to be pampered in a very long time.  Years, in fact.  A lot of you reading this also haven't, of this I am sure.  I don't really mind, it just would be nice to do it without worrying about finances.  But, why should this Christmas be any different!  No matter, I wont have time to feel sorry as I have plenty to do and will be keeping myself busy, fruitfully or otherwise.  If the weather is good I will go to the beach or pool in my new cozie (bathers to those not from Australia) to get that holiday feel going.

Decluttering does at times take money to do, so this is going to impede my progress in some areas.  I will have to regroup and restrategise how to get around these issues so they don't become problematic.

I did go through a box last night with photos by Mum from a time long gone.  So many wonderful memories.  Here are one or two.

This one is with Mum, then myself (around 18), my big sis Sylvia who I miss dearly and Grandmum.  All gone and very much loved and in my heart.  This photo is on the steps of the house I now live - the family home.

 

This is of me at my confirmation and I was 19.  I am standing in the very spot of what is now the carport and where all the remaining boxes are stacked and need to be sorted through and dealt with.  When that day comes, all I can say is 'Oh, what a feeling!', and start running around doing a Flashdance sequence... well, maybe not.  Just may get inwardly excited instead.

This is the nice side to decluttering.  Unearthing these personal treasures and at times family history.

Have a few things other than the room to get done today.  Wish me luck to get the motivation and nice weather for Tuesday, which is a day off to take advantage of.

One day at a time folks.

I did google myself.  Yes, I did.  To find out how people see my blog.  Surprising what you find and what is out there.  Also, pieces are taken from what one has written and boy could you take some of that out of context. 

In the end, this blog is about taking away the shame and stigma attached to those who find themselves in a big mess of clutter no matter 'from-to' what degree or at least lessen the magnitute of that shame and stigma one can feel.  It is about being kind to yourself while going through this process.  It is about how to find your individual way to 'let go' of the stuff without being an emotional wreck and made to feel worthless. 

I decided to 'let it all hang out' here, so to speak, to see where this journey would take me and as we so often hear others say, 'I hope it helps even just one other person to cope and get through'. 

For me destigmatising this issue is most important.

I was asked to join in on a discussion on the topic of 'Hoarders' from an Internet Newspaper run from NYC area.  They contacted me that day, which meant in the middle of the night for me.  Being that I live in Australia I was still asleep.  Shame as by the time I contacted them the skype conference interview was already done and dusted. 

I viewed said piece, which was relatively handled well, with respect and compassion in most parts.  The panel of people were comprised of a medical expert on the subject that hoarding is a 'mental illness or disconnect', an elderly woman who grew up in a house of a hoarder and another younger woman who married a guy whose parent/s are hoarder/s. 

Notice there is 'NO ONE' who is an actual hoarder!!! 

The medical opinion was mainly concentrated on the severe end of the pendulum, which if you look at statistically is very minimal when taking in across the entire possible range.  By concentrating on that end alone it only serves to push those with a lesser degree of the problem to feel ashamed and go further underground to hide the fact and in so doing deny themselves the very help and assistance that they may need and compound their problem even further.  In what way does this help the person living in this situation?

The elderly woman went on about the filth and the fire hazard and how she felt about her Mum mainly.  Again, this case was at the extreme and severe end of the spectrum of hoarding.  One that obviously did need intervention, but threats made only isolated the person who was at the centre of this situation and would have benefited more with a show of compassion and respect rather than feel attacked.  Personal put downs never serve a purpose or achieve the end goal, which is to get the abode to a more acceptable level of healthy living.  This still can be achieved via kindness and a gently helping hand.  Whatever happened to encouragement!

The younger woman went on that this type of behaviour was 'abuse' of the children that live in such 'squalor' and was obviously very angry with her in-laws and went on to make the sweeping accusation that these children went without due to the 'stuff' being a priority.  I suspect there is more to this story than just the stuff.  She was extremely intolerant and she even made me feel like shit listening to her.  She continued to say police should be brought in to deal with these people.

Again, this is the extreme end of the spectrum. 

Well, if one had a problem, you certainly wouldn't tell her for fear of retribution.  Her apparent lack of empathy to find out what could be at the heart of her husbands families problems didn't seem important.  Just swift brutal action.  Don't think I would want her in my corner personally.

I can understand the frustration.  However, finger pointing and name calling just inflames the situation.  Never fixes it.

The interviewer did moderate by trying to keep the discussion on point.  The topic should have stated that it was dealing only with the severe end of the spectrum.  What we need is for the community to see that there are various degrees to what we term hoarding. All the main spokespersons had experience from the severe end of dealing with hoarding, apart from the medical expert the other two, especially the younger woman only saw this with massive emotional baggage and judgement.  Which in turn only serves to keep this cycle going that we are all trying to thwart or deminish. 

Not sure if I have made my point clear here, but hope so.  I suppose what I am trying to say is we shouldn't put all those with the problem of hoarding into one basket.  For example, are all those that drink alcohol - alcoholics and so forth.

The discussion should delve more into how it starts, where it starts, how it can easily happen and the fact that most who end up this way are usually elderly, sick or infirmed and need compassion and not disdain and judgemental assistance to get the job done.  Usually those helping and thankfully so have never had a problem with 'stuff', hence why I started this blog - to help those helping - whether a hoarder or not do it without making the one they are wanting to help the most feel worse than when they started. 

Being that I have the hoarding problem I wanted to help others via my own experience.  I still like my original quote from my very first entry on this blog well over a year ago now.  'This is not clutter!  These are my antiques!'

If it hadn't been for my children and friends, I don't know if I could have achieved what I have achieved thus far.  There have been a few who have made me feel like utter crap and made to feel like a bad person for allowing this to happen (as if I had a choice in the matter) and due to this have not asked for this so called 'strings attached help'.  Those few still mean well, but it is more toxic than the stuff around you to your emotional well being. 

It does have to be done firmly, yet with heart.  No bulldozers.  No accusations.  Better done without any 'how could you have let this happen' comments.  The start of decluttering and to keep the progress of working towards a better environment doesn't have to happen overnight either.  It can be an acceptable slow process.  As long as efforts are being made to rid oneself of the unnecessary items that clutter their day to day daily movement.

At least this Internet Newspaper tried to address what is a topic fraught with such emotion.  Albeit in one portion of the topic.

I don't like the fact that I have inherited this situation, but moaning about it wont make it go away.  I never made my Mum feel 'bad' that this is what happened.  Not once.  I am essentially a positive person and decided to be proactive about the stuff instead.  I knew it would take me years and knowing this made it easier to decide to be kind to myself and try to deal with the stuff slowly with a plan much like a domino effect by compartmentalise how to go about getting the massive job started let alone continued with the vision to be done. 

However, my own health and commitments didn't allow me to do as much as I wanted to like when I was much younger.  With that in mind, I paced myself and prioritised the job with areas in mind.  With patience that I needed in abundance, as there are times when you have to wait for the next step to happen, I slowly began to see results.  What helped me was taking photos and lots of them for my eyes only at first of what I was initially dealing with and then as each step got done.  Very much like a time lapse.  It is amazing how we forget visually and these photos served me well to help keep me going.  If I ever began to feel I was getting nowhere and this happens often.  I would just remind myself what I started out with and where I was now by these visual props.

I don't like the fact that some people do look down on me.  However, those who know me and love me know better and that is where I draw my strength from.  I cannot concentrate on the negative.  If I did then that would be the end of me and getting anything done at all.  Also, I am truly blessed that most of my neighbours have been empathetic to my plight and have been nothing but supportive.

Overall, I hope that if you ever see a person appear to struggle or you suspect that they are struggling that you would offer to lend a hand without judgment or expectation in place of criticising.  It is amazing what one simple kind act can do and lead to.

It can and you may as well as expect that this will be a long drawn out process as it has been for me as I knew it would.  I use humour to get through and on with it.  Life is far too short.  I know I could have gone gangbusters had my health allowed, but I had to deal with my personal situation the best way I knew how and also keeping in mind my children.  In my plan I chose to put people ahead of the job of gettng rid of the stuff.  My children and friends come first and the next is work.  Only after that comes dealing with the 'stuff'. 

I chose to be kind to myself. 

I choose to live a life that matters and what matters are my children and wonderful dear friends.

After all, it may be unimportant stuff to you, but think about how you would feel if someone judged you on 'deciding' that you have too much and came in and touched everything and tossed it all in a bin in front of you and you were powerless to do anything about it. 

Food for thought for those who fortunately don't have the problem, but may have a family member that they see struggle with stuff. 

What is important to you may not be important to another.  This very comment may assist those that 'don't understand' to understand even just a little bit better how it feels to go through this process.

This issue of struggle and what I have shared I hope clarifies for those who do not struggle with stuff to even 'sort of' get it and also for all of us who do or don't get each other.
Again, all I can say is, be kind to thy self and take it one day at a time, breathe in breathe out and if all else fails go out and have a laugh instead.

Hopefully, by the next time the painting will be done. 

If not, you have my permission to 'get on my case'!

Did I just write that!  Be brave... leave it in... till then...

Cheers
Anita