Hi Guys,
In my last blogg I said that the corridor was finally clear and echoed with the vastness of space. Well, I spoke too soon as only a few days later Aija placed what little there was left in her room into the corridor.
At least it was clear for a few days! Should have taken a photo for proof!!!
It is almost a week now since Aija moved back in with us. There are still things to be done to make this transition more comfortable for us all. The loungeroom is back to looking like a dogs breakfast and then there is the corridor along with the carport area to be dealt with. Ahh, more fun to look forward to.
Anyway, a pal, Kez, came over to help me with a few things and to pick up items that I had of hers. She helped me with Aija's TV/DVD and my VHS - yes I said VHS. Aija arrives home from work while we were in the middle of all this and we start talking about my blogg.
I ask Aija, 'Have you read my blogg?'
Her reply was an emphatic, 'I AM LIVING "THE" BLOGG!' What can you say to that!
Anyway, there is still much 'stuff' to be rid of be it rubbish/treasured or otherwise.
In the meantime, there is some home maintenance to be done. My Carport roof in one corner has detached and when the next 100km winds come along I can see it peel off like a top of a can and fly away! Hopefully, the guy who is helping me will still be able to come and reattach it this Saturday along with a few other odd jobs. My son has been living in a room with no bedroom light for over a year now. I need an electrician, but also need the dosh to pay an electrician. Again, hopefully, this problem can be fixed soon, but bear in mind I also said that a year ago.
After that a friend has offered to help with the decluttering during the school holidays for one or two days. Now that Aija is living here she can take the 'stuff' to the Sallies. Very helpful. Fresh eyes is always helpful and now that I am further down the track I think I will be able to deal with how she operates. She is ruthless. But I do trust her. I am just not so sure about me.
Even though this mess was thrust upon me I have found this process to be emotionally difficult still to detach items from emotion/image or memory. This is where the hoarder within attaches to you and holds you back from getting ahead. Most of what I think and feel is normal. Had I not got this huge mess I would be fine. I still have to deal with it. I have been dealing with it for some 3 year now. I am trying not to get negative or bitter about it. I have to realise that there is so much more to go and not to allow this thought and doubts to make me lose momentum. This I know sounds like gobbledigook, but it does describe how it feels.
Patience. And I was never patient!!!
Big ask. Big job. Big deal.
Right now it is all about 'keeping on going' just like Berger paint!
Ironic, how my Carport roof and what I am personally grappling with have a certain symmetry about them. One has to be reattached and the other has to allow detachment. Well, it seems like that to me.
One day at a time, breathe in breathe out and she'll be right.
Onward and outward is my new motto!
Cheers to all
Anita at the halfway mark!
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
How many 'one step at a time' add up too?
Hi guys,
I have had so many 'one step at a time' "STEPS" that I am beginning to feel like a 'Step Master'!
Well, maybe not. But you get to a point in the process of handling and dealing with the 'stuff' that you begin to doubt you will ever get to the other end.
Lately, a few of my friends have said, 'You must be feeling better now that you are ploughing through the half way mark'. But to be honest, at this moment 'No'.
It occurred to me, I would often remember my Mum in her palliative bed looking at me with such sadness at leaving me with this ginormous and thankless job ahead and say, 'I am soooo sorrryyy'. She had had to deal with her Mum's house and had intended to deal with hers. Even though she brought alot of her Mum's 'stuff' back to her home and I do suspect she may have struggled herself with the process. But Cancer stopped that intention and took my Mum away 15 to 20 years too soon.
It only just occured to me when my friends said this, that I realised, I will feel better when I don't have boxes all over the place and furniture in my neighbours garage. Only then will I start feeling better about this process.
In the meantime, my daughter Aija and I did go shopping for that bed base and mattress for her, which ended up being fun. It is being delivered one night this week and looks like she will be esconsed back home by the weeks end! And we have managed to do all this without killing each other!!! (...almost)
Last night we dealt with the corridor which is now near empty and echoes! Very strange indeed.
The loungeroom, however, looks like a dogs breakfast once again. There's that holding pattern happening once more. I wont place it back into the corridor as while it is in the loungeroom I will be more inclined and motivated to deal with it, whereas if it stays in the corridor as the saying goes, 'outta sight outta getting rid of time' comes to mind. Yes, I know I have played with that saying a tad, but trust me I get those sayings wrong all the time... I tend to mix 2 and even up to 3 in together and yet they still make sense! Go figure.
Tonight, Aija is cleaning her room. Washing windows, walls and vacuuming. I have washed the curtains and will put them back up and tomorrow night my part in that room for the moment is done once the bed arrives.
Back to the loungeroom. Hmmmm, it will take time to deal with the 'stuff', but being in my face and space it will force me to do so sooner than later. Then for a brief break from the decluttering so my back can recover. After all, I have a job to find as well. But I do have to take advantage of this time to get decluttering done. As once I start work again that will definately get in the way in finding time to deal with and getting rid of 'stuff' big time.
In a way, I am glad my daughter has to move back in for a while. It forced me to deal with the main bedroom that was full to the brim like a storage container! A huge job in itself. And then the last of what's under the carport, shed and neighbours garage. Trust me that is nothing now compared to what I started out with. I had the whole carport full and it is a huge carport (now next to nothing there) along with a full lounge room (storage style) and the dining room chockers. These areas I dealt with first as it affected our day to day living. Suffice it to say that when the loungeroom keeps being encroached annoys me to no end as I feel like I have this constant Groundhog loungeroom feeling.
Dealing with an enormous load like this while living in it is not easy at all. But with time and patience it can be done. The trouble is people think this is the way you 'like' to live, which couldn't be farther from the truth. I try not to think about it and when I find myself saying to whoever comes to see me, 'Oh, please excuse the mess... blah blah blah...' I have to stop myself as I know what is the true story and shouldn't feel ashamed of what was thrust upon me through circumstance. I no longer feel the need to apologise. If those who visit choose to judge me so be it. I know that one day if they find themselves in the same or similar situation they wont be judged by me is all.
If I give it some thought as to the amount of 'steps' so far and to go... well 'one million steps done with a million more to go'!
Am definately at the halfway mark or more and looking forward to the 'feeling better' one day soon.
I will end on a quote that I find funny, but am not wanting to offend others. Hopefully, you will take this in the humour in which it is intended.
'People who live in immaculate houses live dull lives'! anon
Or how I like to put my twist on it 'People who live in immaculate house have hired help.' Anita Sulcs - feel free to use...
Cau to all especially those who have the same struggle
Anita
ps - must admit I liked it as my daughter vacuumed - my back was smiling. My back and I have made a promise... once home is in order set money aside for one luxury... not massages, but cleaning help!!!
I have had so many 'one step at a time' "STEPS" that I am beginning to feel like a 'Step Master'!
Well, maybe not. But you get to a point in the process of handling and dealing with the 'stuff' that you begin to doubt you will ever get to the other end.
Lately, a few of my friends have said, 'You must be feeling better now that you are ploughing through the half way mark'. But to be honest, at this moment 'No'.
It occurred to me, I would often remember my Mum in her palliative bed looking at me with such sadness at leaving me with this ginormous and thankless job ahead and say, 'I am soooo sorrryyy'. She had had to deal with her Mum's house and had intended to deal with hers. Even though she brought alot of her Mum's 'stuff' back to her home and I do suspect she may have struggled herself with the process. But Cancer stopped that intention and took my Mum away 15 to 20 years too soon.
It only just occured to me when my friends said this, that I realised, I will feel better when I don't have boxes all over the place and furniture in my neighbours garage. Only then will I start feeling better about this process.
In the meantime, my daughter Aija and I did go shopping for that bed base and mattress for her, which ended up being fun. It is being delivered one night this week and looks like she will be esconsed back home by the weeks end! And we have managed to do all this without killing each other!!! (...almost)
Last night we dealt with the corridor which is now near empty and echoes! Very strange indeed.
The loungeroom, however, looks like a dogs breakfast once again. There's that holding pattern happening once more. I wont place it back into the corridor as while it is in the loungeroom I will be more inclined and motivated to deal with it, whereas if it stays in the corridor as the saying goes, 'outta sight outta getting rid of time' comes to mind. Yes, I know I have played with that saying a tad, but trust me I get those sayings wrong all the time... I tend to mix 2 and even up to 3 in together and yet they still make sense! Go figure.
Tonight, Aija is cleaning her room. Washing windows, walls and vacuuming. I have washed the curtains and will put them back up and tomorrow night my part in that room for the moment is done once the bed arrives.
Back to the loungeroom. Hmmmm, it will take time to deal with the 'stuff', but being in my face and space it will force me to do so sooner than later. Then for a brief break from the decluttering so my back can recover. After all, I have a job to find as well. But I do have to take advantage of this time to get decluttering done. As once I start work again that will definately get in the way in finding time to deal with and getting rid of 'stuff' big time.
In a way, I am glad my daughter has to move back in for a while. It forced me to deal with the main bedroom that was full to the brim like a storage container! A huge job in itself. And then the last of what's under the carport, shed and neighbours garage. Trust me that is nothing now compared to what I started out with. I had the whole carport full and it is a huge carport (now next to nothing there) along with a full lounge room (storage style) and the dining room chockers. These areas I dealt with first as it affected our day to day living. Suffice it to say that when the loungeroom keeps being encroached annoys me to no end as I feel like I have this constant Groundhog loungeroom feeling.
Dealing with an enormous load like this while living in it is not easy at all. But with time and patience it can be done. The trouble is people think this is the way you 'like' to live, which couldn't be farther from the truth. I try not to think about it and when I find myself saying to whoever comes to see me, 'Oh, please excuse the mess... blah blah blah...' I have to stop myself as I know what is the true story and shouldn't feel ashamed of what was thrust upon me through circumstance. I no longer feel the need to apologise. If those who visit choose to judge me so be it. I know that one day if they find themselves in the same or similar situation they wont be judged by me is all.
If I give it some thought as to the amount of 'steps' so far and to go... well 'one million steps done with a million more to go'!
Am definately at the halfway mark or more and looking forward to the 'feeling better' one day soon.
I will end on a quote that I find funny, but am not wanting to offend others. Hopefully, you will take this in the humour in which it is intended.
'People who live in immaculate houses live dull lives'! anon
Or how I like to put my twist on it 'People who live in immaculate house have hired help.' Anita Sulcs - feel free to use...
Cau to all especially those who have the same struggle
Anita
ps - must admit I liked it as my daughter vacuumed - my back was smiling. My back and I have made a promise... once home is in order set money aside for one luxury... not massages, but cleaning help!!!
Saturday, 19 March 2011
Famous last words!
Hi guys,
Did I say it wont take me long to get going again! Well, was I wrong. I wrote last on 28 February and stated it wouldn't take me long to get started again... well it took almost another 2 weeks before I got started.
Admittedly, being distracted by getting my resume together and other 'Centrelink' requirements to be fulfilled was a distraction among many other things like applying for jobs. Ahh, the distractions of life!
So back to the 'stuff', I finally got stuck into my room. A ton of stuff that I could and did get rid of, along with stuff I should and will Ebay. The last 2 days has been spent solidly getting the last of the main bedroom done and dusted for my daughter to move back in. Where she is staying she was told 'You have 2 weeks' and then we are out of here. OK, that means we have to get out skates on. Nothing like a deadline to get the job done.
Because we are now in a hurry I am boxing things up... and as we do and when I can we have set aside for the rubbish bin still - which is full again and then some on the side waiting to be disposed of. One perpetual cycle. As well as huge bags for the Sallies. But we are not being as thorough as we were prior to this deadline. However, my lovely miss has come to terms with and now understands what it is that I am facing. I feel like I am finally getting through to her. What a relief that will be.
The room is near empty with the few pieces of furniture staying in situ rearranged to suit. Tomorrow wash curtains walls and windows and a final vac. Then off to buy a bed for her and then that part is done.
Ahh, but there is more!
When will this ever end. I have 2 more years to seriously downsize to one household worth of 'the best stuff'. No mean feat when you consider I started out with 4 households worthe of 'stuff' after my gorgeous Mum passed away just over 3 years ago. Have given away about a household worth of 'stuff' and binned another household worth of 'rubbish'. Only have one more household to go!!!
Due to the fact that I have been taking everything out of that huge room some of it has found its way into the corridors and lounge room and so on and now back into an even bigger mess. You will find out that you are forever in this holding pattern of 'looking' like you are always in a mess even though that mess continually changes.
If we get time we will tackle the corridor and anything else we can manage. I might be dreaming though.
I am so glad that this deadline happened as it really did put a bomb under my bum. We have to embrace what is presented no matter how uncomfortable it makes one feel or how difficult it all seems. My back is suffering big time even while wearing the brace and I will have to go to some serious chiropractic sessions to get my spasming muscles to settle down once more, but it will all be worth it.
I can see that even more 'stuff' has gone never to return.
Am in the middle of reading Corinne Grants journey with 'stuff' and it is so similar in so many ways... will elaborate in later updates. You may be wondering why am I reading it while I am to doing it myself... simple... I love a laugh and laughter makes the process more bearable.
So no funny moments this time round other than feeling rather pleased that I got myself started again.
But the paper side is ridiculous. From now on when I get paper it will be dealt with immediately and only file tax stuff. I found in my parents cupboard our original itinerary from when we moved from Albany WA all the way to Melbourne VIC in 1957 for christ sakes. Interesting, but seriously 'WHY'!!!!!! I ask!!!!! Anyway, I have some fantastic retro stuff to sell. My daughter wanted to toss this 'machine' I brought back from the states and as it just so happened I had just asked at a specialist shop what it was worth and several digits were involved... people do not know the value of 'old stuff' and I have more than likely given away and thrown out heaps. But seriously, I couldn't have stored the 'stuff' to sell later on anyway. Better to 'let it go' as the saying goes.
Breathe just remember to breathe... oh that's right my nose is blocked from all the dust and moth balls my Mum loved to use. Now that's another blogg altogether.
Hey, Kez, if you are reading this I have two of your pictures... the one from the UK and the other one. Presume you will want to hang them up in your new digs... hear from you soon.
Wish me luck for my back to last throughout tomorrow. The joy of joys.
Now for a massage.
Cheers all
Anita
- still coming to terms with the mountains ahead!
Did I say it wont take me long to get going again! Well, was I wrong. I wrote last on 28 February and stated it wouldn't take me long to get started again... well it took almost another 2 weeks before I got started.
Admittedly, being distracted by getting my resume together and other 'Centrelink' requirements to be fulfilled was a distraction among many other things like applying for jobs. Ahh, the distractions of life!
So back to the 'stuff', I finally got stuck into my room. A ton of stuff that I could and did get rid of, along with stuff I should and will Ebay. The last 2 days has been spent solidly getting the last of the main bedroom done and dusted for my daughter to move back in. Where she is staying she was told 'You have 2 weeks' and then we are out of here. OK, that means we have to get out skates on. Nothing like a deadline to get the job done.
Because we are now in a hurry I am boxing things up... and as we do and when I can we have set aside for the rubbish bin still - which is full again and then some on the side waiting to be disposed of. One perpetual cycle. As well as huge bags for the Sallies. But we are not being as thorough as we were prior to this deadline. However, my lovely miss has come to terms with and now understands what it is that I am facing. I feel like I am finally getting through to her. What a relief that will be.
The room is near empty with the few pieces of furniture staying in situ rearranged to suit. Tomorrow wash curtains walls and windows and a final vac. Then off to buy a bed for her and then that part is done.
Ahh, but there is more!
When will this ever end. I have 2 more years to seriously downsize to one household worth of 'the best stuff'. No mean feat when you consider I started out with 4 households worthe of 'stuff' after my gorgeous Mum passed away just over 3 years ago. Have given away about a household worth of 'stuff' and binned another household worth of 'rubbish'. Only have one more household to go!!!
Due to the fact that I have been taking everything out of that huge room some of it has found its way into the corridors and lounge room and so on and now back into an even bigger mess. You will find out that you are forever in this holding pattern of 'looking' like you are always in a mess even though that mess continually changes.
If we get time we will tackle the corridor and anything else we can manage. I might be dreaming though.
I am so glad that this deadline happened as it really did put a bomb under my bum. We have to embrace what is presented no matter how uncomfortable it makes one feel or how difficult it all seems. My back is suffering big time even while wearing the brace and I will have to go to some serious chiropractic sessions to get my spasming muscles to settle down once more, but it will all be worth it.
I can see that even more 'stuff' has gone never to return.
Am in the middle of reading Corinne Grants journey with 'stuff' and it is so similar in so many ways... will elaborate in later updates. You may be wondering why am I reading it while I am to doing it myself... simple... I love a laugh and laughter makes the process more bearable.
So no funny moments this time round other than feeling rather pleased that I got myself started again.
But the paper side is ridiculous. From now on when I get paper it will be dealt with immediately and only file tax stuff. I found in my parents cupboard our original itinerary from when we moved from Albany WA all the way to Melbourne VIC in 1957 for christ sakes. Interesting, but seriously 'WHY'!!!!!! I ask!!!!! Anyway, I have some fantastic retro stuff to sell. My daughter wanted to toss this 'machine' I brought back from the states and as it just so happened I had just asked at a specialist shop what it was worth and several digits were involved... people do not know the value of 'old stuff' and I have more than likely given away and thrown out heaps. But seriously, I couldn't have stored the 'stuff' to sell later on anyway. Better to 'let it go' as the saying goes.
Breathe just remember to breathe... oh that's right my nose is blocked from all the dust and moth balls my Mum loved to use. Now that's another blogg altogether.
Hey, Kez, if you are reading this I have two of your pictures... the one from the UK and the other one. Presume you will want to hang them up in your new digs... hear from you soon.
Wish me luck for my back to last throughout tomorrow. The joy of joys.
Now for a massage.
Cheers all
Anita
- still coming to terms with the mountains ahead!
Monday, 28 February 2011
Momentary pause!
Hi guys,
I guess you will not be surprised to hear those that have 'so much to do' saying I haven't had a moment to spare to get to it as yet! Well, it is true in my case many a time.
I have not done a single thing to do with decluttering since the Sunday before! And when one has a loss of momentum it causes one to pause and ponder 'why'. Well, in my case it is the last week of my work and starting to look for other jobs. These pesky life things just seem to get in the way all the time. That and a personal matter that made me go 'well who cares anyway'.
These times will happen and this is when you have to not hit yourself over the head and be kind to yourself and say 'OK not been at it for a few days now' and let bygones be bygones and start afresh.
Strategy - Number one - Be kind to thy self... as that is how one survives the 'process'.
That is all!
Now contemplating my navel to encourage me to get started again. Trust me it wont take long....
Chiz all
Anita
(who is still obviously struggling with the 'process')
I guess you will not be surprised to hear those that have 'so much to do' saying I haven't had a moment to spare to get to it as yet! Well, it is true in my case many a time.
I have not done a single thing to do with decluttering since the Sunday before! And when one has a loss of momentum it causes one to pause and ponder 'why'. Well, in my case it is the last week of my work and starting to look for other jobs. These pesky life things just seem to get in the way all the time. That and a personal matter that made me go 'well who cares anyway'.
These times will happen and this is when you have to not hit yourself over the head and be kind to yourself and say 'OK not been at it for a few days now' and let bygones be bygones and start afresh.
Strategy - Number one - Be kind to thy self... as that is how one survives the 'process'.
That is all!
Now contemplating my navel to encourage me to get started again. Trust me it wont take long....
Chiz all
Anita
(who is still obviously struggling with the 'process')
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Monday, 21 February 2011
How does one become overwhelmed!
Hi guys,
How each person gets into being overwhelmed by 'stuff' is different. For me it was thrust upon me in a short space of time. How one cope's also varies.
This is my personal journey of how I got 'here'!
My daughter and I have been busy getting the 3rd bedroom cleared for her to move into.
You may think that this is taking so long, but as I elluded to before this was thrust upon me. If only you knew what I have had to go through just to get to this stage!
A few years back I had a lot of 'stuff' myself. I was also housing some gear of a friend who was overseas for a few years. Due to my Mum's illness I had to close the rental (yet still renting), give up my job and move in with her to take care of her more closely than before.
I had to quickly clear out 2 rooms so my son and I could move in and stored these boxes in a very kind neighbours garage. Mum herself never threw anything away. We are talking Christmas cards, wrapping paper, stockings (for the vegie patch of course), pieces of material, every shoe she had, dozens of umbrellas, all her handbags and the list goes on. She also brought home after her Mum died alot of her 'stuff' as well. Mum also then took on another friends 'stuff' after he died. Can you see where I am leading here? This almost killed my Mum. She hated every minute of this 'process' as it had to be rushed. Mum wanted to tell me about every piece of item that went through our hands. It's the chatting that takes time... but it is important for the person letting go to talk and tell their stories. It's part of 'their' letting go.
Mum and Dad were of Baltic European background and being of the war years held onto everything - just in case! Being that they had to walk away from everything - everything becomes important. Mum had a small suitcase that she left her homeland with at the start of WWII... at one stage in some country in Europe they had to leave that behind also as soldiers where on the advance and there was no time to retrieve their precious belongings. So I can understand why my parents, especially my Mum as to why she held on so tight.
But Mum got sick real fast and ended up in palliative for 4 months and the roller coaster ride for me began. Running between the Bermuda triangle was just dreadful - I went from Mum's home, my son's school, my now vacant rental housing with all my 'stuff' in another suburb and the Hospital. Trying to stay with Mum so she was not alone and take care of her needs and try and keep some semblance of dignity for her. I had already been taking care of Mum for over 6 years by now along with my son who also had high medical needs due to heart issues and was becoming more and more exhausted by the day. But adrenalin kicks in and takes over and you plough on through somehow.
When Mum did finally pass away I was bereft and unable to think or cope as I had another older sis who was making demands and making life even more difficult. And being in a house full of 'stuff' didn't help. But I also did not have the financial means or energy to cope with it.
I had to get out of the rental. My only option was to pack up what I could and store it under the Carport. For a while there I truly looked like steptoe and son personified. I still do, which makes me feel ashamed. Will post some photos soon to show you the 'process'. At that time many came to help me out and heaps got tossed into 2 huge dumpsters and much more into bins and again carloads to other places. I also gave beds, TVs, a small fridge, my expensive couches and dining room table to 2 families who had never had 'nice' stuff before. One of them had had their house torched so they needed it more than I did.
People will help for a while, but they have their own lives to lead so I have been careful not to ask too often for assistance. I would rather have my friends and the 'stuff' than the 'stuff' gone and my friends gone as well. Not all of us get the luxury of a huge team to swoop in and magically do it all for you. I have to say the 'process' is slow because one has to do it themselves and it does take time when it is massive.
A few say to me 'Oh just do this' or 'Oh it is easy - you just get the Salvos to come and get it' etc etc etc. Some of these supposed prophets have never been in this situation. Some have had a room or garage to clear... which is small fry compared to what I have had to go through. And no the Salvos don't always come and get it or take it for that matter. Also, it takes time to pack the endless bags and boxes and drive it to the depots where they will accept 'certain' items only and unload. All this after sorting for hours already. Sheer tiredness hits. So NO 'Oh' me as it is not that clear cut or simple.
Initially, I ended up having 'stuff' under the Carport, in the neighbours garage and a big pellett load at a friends factory on a mezzanine floor in Richmond for housing. On top of that I had the lounge room packed to the brim like a lock up storage facility, incluing my Mums bedroom. I had given Mums bed etc away to the Sallies so I could use the room. Mum had the corridor packed with shelves that were a fire hazzard. It really was a nightmare, but there was little I could do about the situation at that time immediately, but accept that I will somehow turn it around.
So began my journey.
Where to start!
Well, one shelf at a time. Life, looking after children, all commitments and looking for work collectively takes time and takes away the opportunity to get things done quickly.
There is only 'one' hard rubbish a year in the area of which I live and I missed the first one. However, a kind male friend took a few loads to the tip for me. I have the carport almost cleared. The pellett at the factory has gone. The corridor no longer has shelves. More importantly we have a lounge room again... a friend gave me her gorgeous lounge suite which I love. And I am now tackling what's in my neighbours garage which has been there for nearly 4 years now. I just gave away my $2,000 bed base away to a family who I know will appreciate it... I watched it drive away down the road and felt - yes it is right - I need a bed myself but the house is small and a queen size wont fit - so yes it was the right thing to do.
I have given away soooo much 'stuff'. But if you came to visit me now you would more than likely think 'good heavens' as there still is soooo much stuff when you look around!
It has taken me 3 years to get to this point in time. Along the way my big sis who lived in Sydney died shortly after Mum. Many other events have gotten in the way of my progress in this area. But I plough on regardless. Even if I get just one bag into the bin that week. Then I feel I have chinked away just that little more. The 'process' can, does and will take time. Especially if you are on your own.
I point this out as you can feel the judgement, the disdain, the 'Oh how could you live like this' as if it were a choice.
I have finally started to accept not to feel shame, but rather accept this as a growth experience. One that will end up being more positive than I can at this moment see, imagine or feel as yet.
I have to trust the 'process'.
In the meantime, my daughter and I have finally broken the camels back in that 3rd bedroom. The fact that she loads up her car and drives it to the depot has been a godsend for me. Even though she needs the room I am happy for her help as that help as sped up the 'process' and for that I am extremely pleased.
Let's see how long it is now for her to be back living here - I am predicting in 2 to 3 weeks time making it early to mid March. Oh happy days!
So, to whoever reads this and whatever you may think of me - if you are a fellow hoarder/collector who has been tipped over the edge for whatever reason, then take heart that slow does win the race and if you are someone who is not a hoarder/collector of any kind spare a thought for the 'process' we have to go through to get back to 'our' normality!
Bit of a longish blog this time... will try to be brief next time...
Cheers all
Anita
How each person gets into being overwhelmed by 'stuff' is different. For me it was thrust upon me in a short space of time. How one cope's also varies.
This is my personal journey of how I got 'here'!
My daughter and I have been busy getting the 3rd bedroom cleared for her to move into.
You may think that this is taking so long, but as I elluded to before this was thrust upon me. If only you knew what I have had to go through just to get to this stage!
A few years back I had a lot of 'stuff' myself. I was also housing some gear of a friend who was overseas for a few years. Due to my Mum's illness I had to close the rental (yet still renting), give up my job and move in with her to take care of her more closely than before.
I had to quickly clear out 2 rooms so my son and I could move in and stored these boxes in a very kind neighbours garage. Mum herself never threw anything away. We are talking Christmas cards, wrapping paper, stockings (for the vegie patch of course), pieces of material, every shoe she had, dozens of umbrellas, all her handbags and the list goes on. She also brought home after her Mum died alot of her 'stuff' as well. Mum also then took on another friends 'stuff' after he died. Can you see where I am leading here? This almost killed my Mum. She hated every minute of this 'process' as it had to be rushed. Mum wanted to tell me about every piece of item that went through our hands. It's the chatting that takes time... but it is important for the person letting go to talk and tell their stories. It's part of 'their' letting go.
Mum and Dad were of Baltic European background and being of the war years held onto everything - just in case! Being that they had to walk away from everything - everything becomes important. Mum had a small suitcase that she left her homeland with at the start of WWII... at one stage in some country in Europe they had to leave that behind also as soldiers where on the advance and there was no time to retrieve their precious belongings. So I can understand why my parents, especially my Mum as to why she held on so tight.
But Mum got sick real fast and ended up in palliative for 4 months and the roller coaster ride for me began. Running between the Bermuda triangle was just dreadful - I went from Mum's home, my son's school, my now vacant rental housing with all my 'stuff' in another suburb and the Hospital. Trying to stay with Mum so she was not alone and take care of her needs and try and keep some semblance of dignity for her. I had already been taking care of Mum for over 6 years by now along with my son who also had high medical needs due to heart issues and was becoming more and more exhausted by the day. But adrenalin kicks in and takes over and you plough on through somehow.
When Mum did finally pass away I was bereft and unable to think or cope as I had another older sis who was making demands and making life even more difficult. And being in a house full of 'stuff' didn't help. But I also did not have the financial means or energy to cope with it.
I had to get out of the rental. My only option was to pack up what I could and store it under the Carport. For a while there I truly looked like steptoe and son personified. I still do, which makes me feel ashamed. Will post some photos soon to show you the 'process'. At that time many came to help me out and heaps got tossed into 2 huge dumpsters and much more into bins and again carloads to other places. I also gave beds, TVs, a small fridge, my expensive couches and dining room table to 2 families who had never had 'nice' stuff before. One of them had had their house torched so they needed it more than I did.
People will help for a while, but they have their own lives to lead so I have been careful not to ask too often for assistance. I would rather have my friends and the 'stuff' than the 'stuff' gone and my friends gone as well. Not all of us get the luxury of a huge team to swoop in and magically do it all for you. I have to say the 'process' is slow because one has to do it themselves and it does take time when it is massive.
A few say to me 'Oh just do this' or 'Oh it is easy - you just get the Salvos to come and get it' etc etc etc. Some of these supposed prophets have never been in this situation. Some have had a room or garage to clear... which is small fry compared to what I have had to go through. And no the Salvos don't always come and get it or take it for that matter. Also, it takes time to pack the endless bags and boxes and drive it to the depots where they will accept 'certain' items only and unload. All this after sorting for hours already. Sheer tiredness hits. So NO 'Oh' me as it is not that clear cut or simple.
Initially, I ended up having 'stuff' under the Carport, in the neighbours garage and a big pellett load at a friends factory on a mezzanine floor in Richmond for housing. On top of that I had the lounge room packed to the brim like a lock up storage facility, incluing my Mums bedroom. I had given Mums bed etc away to the Sallies so I could use the room. Mum had the corridor packed with shelves that were a fire hazzard. It really was a nightmare, but there was little I could do about the situation at that time immediately, but accept that I will somehow turn it around.
So began my journey.
Where to start!
Well, one shelf at a time. Life, looking after children, all commitments and looking for work collectively takes time and takes away the opportunity to get things done quickly.
There is only 'one' hard rubbish a year in the area of which I live and I missed the first one. However, a kind male friend took a few loads to the tip for me. I have the carport almost cleared. The pellett at the factory has gone. The corridor no longer has shelves. More importantly we have a lounge room again... a friend gave me her gorgeous lounge suite which I love. And I am now tackling what's in my neighbours garage which has been there for nearly 4 years now. I just gave away my $2,000 bed base away to a family who I know will appreciate it... I watched it drive away down the road and felt - yes it is right - I need a bed myself but the house is small and a queen size wont fit - so yes it was the right thing to do.
I have given away soooo much 'stuff'. But if you came to visit me now you would more than likely think 'good heavens' as there still is soooo much stuff when you look around!
It has taken me 3 years to get to this point in time. Along the way my big sis who lived in Sydney died shortly after Mum. Many other events have gotten in the way of my progress in this area. But I plough on regardless. Even if I get just one bag into the bin that week. Then I feel I have chinked away just that little more. The 'process' can, does and will take time. Especially if you are on your own.
I point this out as you can feel the judgement, the disdain, the 'Oh how could you live like this' as if it were a choice.
I have finally started to accept not to feel shame, but rather accept this as a growth experience. One that will end up being more positive than I can at this moment see, imagine or feel as yet.
I have to trust the 'process'.
In the meantime, my daughter and I have finally broken the camels back in that 3rd bedroom. The fact that she loads up her car and drives it to the depot has been a godsend for me. Even though she needs the room I am happy for her help as that help as sped up the 'process' and for that I am extremely pleased.
Let's see how long it is now for her to be back living here - I am predicting in 2 to 3 weeks time making it early to mid March. Oh happy days!
So, to whoever reads this and whatever you may think of me - if you are a fellow hoarder/collector who has been tipped over the edge for whatever reason, then take heart that slow does win the race and if you are someone who is not a hoarder/collector of any kind spare a thought for the 'process' we have to go through to get back to 'our' normality!
Bit of a longish blog this time... will try to be brief next time...
Cheers all
Anita
Friday, 11 February 2011
When life takes a turn!
Hi guys,
This week has been a tough one. Haven't done as much as I would have liked, but hey it is not every day you get 'let go' from your job! Apparently, the small company that I recently joined has lost some seriously big accounts and being the last one in and no matter how good I am - I am the first one out. Bummer. Not personal just business. I understand it, but it doesn't make it any easier.
And to add to the mix of my week - my car's water pump decides to give up the ghost. I mean really, give me a break. At least I didn't 'cook' the engine or anything else. Small mercies.
In light of events in one's life this can impact heavily on the progress one makes in the area of decluttering. Yes, once it is done you feel a whole lot better, but getting to it when you are heavy with thought is an entirely different beast and battle altogether.
Apart from the worry of finances when one is giving away and throwing out perfectly good items it then becomes just that more difficult when out of work ... you worry that you may throw out something that you might need... now don't cringe at that one... but I cannot see the point in then having to go buy it again when you do need it!!! See the dilemma!!!
It makes no sense to most people why hoarders do this, but if you look at the reason behind the stress you then might just get it. For me it has mainly been due to circumstance and lack of money. However, when the 'stuff' gets out of hand then the issue of the 'stuff' overtakes your reasoning, which then gets buried beneath the pile and usually forgotten.
What I have to do is not get down into a funk, but instead keep slogging away. Hard to do funnily enough. Organised my daughter to come today to do some more and once I do that I know I will get back on track. It is the starting that is a huge hurdle.
My daughter has been helping clear out the third bedroom that was full to the gunnels for 2 weeks now. It was during one of these recent forays my daughter, Aija found an item that caused us much laughter. It was an item that a child should only find upon their parents death! Yes, folks she found something that I got in Amsterdam. To which her curiosity knew no bounds and being that I was unable to curb my raucous laughter explained the story without scarring her for life. She has vowed to regail all at my funeral with this story! Oh dear! What have I done!
In the meantime, there are papers that have to be gone through. There are bits'n'pieces that have to be looked at. It is not as simple as just throwing it out and when there are huge amounts it can feel insurmountable. In my case what makes matters worse, more than half belonged to my Mum and GrandMum!
I have to choose which I items I care to keep and which to give away. The problem when having a daughter help is I wanted to give away these cups, but Aija pipes up and says no they are unique and should be kept! Don't worry folks she is quite happy to throw the rest out instead. Decisions like - what to keep can come quickly, but not always. At times one can falter and you start to second guess yourself. The minute you do this walk away and come back later and just go with your first instinct. Second guessing yourself just delays the 'process' tenfold and only makes you even more frustrated and annoyed with yourself. When this situation does happen go get a cuppa tea, take a deep breath and regroup and return a little later with all the positivity you can muster and attack the task with a brand new attitude.
As you can see, it is all to do with one's peace of mind, attitude and wellness. This can be acieved with head down bum up to reconnect with a more positive attitude to continue with the 'process'.
What a funny week I have had and that while I am 'letting go' I have just been 'let go'.
There is a certain symmetry to that.
Chiz all,
ANITA
This week has been a tough one. Haven't done as much as I would have liked, but hey it is not every day you get 'let go' from your job! Apparently, the small company that I recently joined has lost some seriously big accounts and being the last one in and no matter how good I am - I am the first one out. Bummer. Not personal just business. I understand it, but it doesn't make it any easier.
And to add to the mix of my week - my car's water pump decides to give up the ghost. I mean really, give me a break. At least I didn't 'cook' the engine or anything else. Small mercies.
In light of events in one's life this can impact heavily on the progress one makes in the area of decluttering. Yes, once it is done you feel a whole lot better, but getting to it when you are heavy with thought is an entirely different beast and battle altogether.
Apart from the worry of finances when one is giving away and throwing out perfectly good items it then becomes just that more difficult when out of work ... you worry that you may throw out something that you might need... now don't cringe at that one... but I cannot see the point in then having to go buy it again when you do need it!!! See the dilemma!!!
It makes no sense to most people why hoarders do this, but if you look at the reason behind the stress you then might just get it. For me it has mainly been due to circumstance and lack of money. However, when the 'stuff' gets out of hand then the issue of the 'stuff' overtakes your reasoning, which then gets buried beneath the pile and usually forgotten.
What I have to do is not get down into a funk, but instead keep slogging away. Hard to do funnily enough. Organised my daughter to come today to do some more and once I do that I know I will get back on track. It is the starting that is a huge hurdle.
My daughter has been helping clear out the third bedroom that was full to the gunnels for 2 weeks now. It was during one of these recent forays my daughter, Aija found an item that caused us much laughter. It was an item that a child should only find upon their parents death! Yes, folks she found something that I got in Amsterdam. To which her curiosity knew no bounds and being that I was unable to curb my raucous laughter explained the story without scarring her for life. She has vowed to regail all at my funeral with this story! Oh dear! What have I done!
In the meantime, there are papers that have to be gone through. There are bits'n'pieces that have to be looked at. It is not as simple as just throwing it out and when there are huge amounts it can feel insurmountable. In my case what makes matters worse, more than half belonged to my Mum and GrandMum!
I have to choose which I items I care to keep and which to give away. The problem when having a daughter help is I wanted to give away these cups, but Aija pipes up and says no they are unique and should be kept! Don't worry folks she is quite happy to throw the rest out instead. Decisions like - what to keep can come quickly, but not always. At times one can falter and you start to second guess yourself. The minute you do this walk away and come back later and just go with your first instinct. Second guessing yourself just delays the 'process' tenfold and only makes you even more frustrated and annoyed with yourself. When this situation does happen go get a cuppa tea, take a deep breath and regroup and return a little later with all the positivity you can muster and attack the task with a brand new attitude.
As you can see, it is all to do with one's peace of mind, attitude and wellness. This can be acieved with head down bum up to reconnect with a more positive attitude to continue with the 'process'.
What a funny week I have had and that while I am 'letting go' I have just been 'let go'.
There is a certain symmetry to that.
Chiz all,
ANITA
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)