SIX YEARS ON & TIME TO REMEMBER MY MUM.

Hi Guys,

Where has the time gone?

Today's blog is in honour of my Mum.

On 28 October it was six years since my beautiful and most loving Mum died from a chemical that she innocently worked with that shortened her life by 15 to 20 years.  Foolishly she trusted the company she worked for.  You go to work to live not die.  She ended up having hers drastically cut back by going to work for her family's well being at the cost of her own.

My Mum was not the only one ever to have this happen to her.  Many have worked with other such carcinogenic chemicals, one example being asbestos.  In past centuries it was the coal pits and mines that shortened peoples lives and so it goes on and on.  All these workers just wanted to live a better life.  But greed and big corporates seem to have a way of taking that right away so effortlessly.

And this is what I say to those who practise such deceit and treachery throughout the centuries that have harmed all those who worked so loyally for them to be only repaid with cancer.

I don't mean to start out on such a sad topic, but it was my Mum's wish that I be able to have a roof over my head, but in so doing also handed me a heavy load to tow.  

Here I am with my Mum on a Mother's Day Lunch at the Latvian Village.

She was aware what a massive job she was leaving me to deal with and that the middle sister would try through whatever measures to make me cave to her demands once Mum was gone.  My middle sisters methods did prove to be unscrupulous and even took me by surprise at what lengths she would go to.  No one saw, so no one other than me felt the effects.  I always found how she treated our Parents with such outwardly disrespect offensive, along with her husband.  I watched on since a child and what I saw was appalling to say the least.  She also set out to split me and my two children from what little family we had. The divide is there now for all time.  No going back once done.  Sad, but true.  Not of my doing and out of my hands.  But the twisted lies she told others has done its damage and I have always wondered why none ever bothered to question or find out for themselves by asking me directly. Even so, Mum's love pulled me through and now have a lot to be thankful for.

Thankfully, all of Mum's girlfriends knew the truth about what took place, day after day for nearly forty odd years and stood by me after Mum died.  One by one, they are slowly going also.  Most recent was a most beautiful, caring Latvian woman that my Mum knew from the early years in Western Australia.  I even had baby baths with her youngest son.  Funny to think about such things now when you are middle-aged.  Her support of me was so profound that I had to go to her funeral.  

It was at this funeral that her daughter, who was old enough to remember events in WA, as I was just a baby back then and have no memory of that time.  She reminded me of things that I had long forgotten.  

Out of the blue after I said how much her Mum had protected me from my middle sister, she said she knew all about that as her Mum had always kept her informed and told her the many stories over the years about what this sister was like to Mum and myself.

For the first time in almost 6 years, a person who knew the facts and knew the truth as it really was, stood before me in the flesh.  I didn't have to explain.  I didn't have to do anything as this person just knew.  She recounted some of the stories and I began to feel feelings that I hadn't felt in a long time.  Last time I felt that way was when chatting with Mum and my other older sister before they died about this middle sisters antics. She even went as far as to state she couldn't believe how nice I had been during the contesting, considering what that middle sister put me and Mum through over those many years.  What a relief.  I felt validated.  The funny thing is, I found out she lives just around the corner from where I am now and we agreed we must get together.  I am very much looking forward to this.

As my Mum's besties leave this earth, I have begun to appreciate their warm collective hug that they so firmly held around me during my most vulnerable years even more now as time goes by.  They have been my angels watching over me.

What strong and principled women they are and were.  Age and wisdom.  I was beginning to understand the true value of their metal.  I still have a few of these friends left that I chat to and see.  My wonderful neighbour May for one.  She just turned 88 and she invited me to her 90th already. It will be a huge celebration as she is such a well respected resident of the district in which we live in.  She is extremely annoyed with the middle sisters behaviour and choices and remembers well what this one did to her Mum. She knows as she saw first hand, being that she lived right across the road.  May has worked tirelessly and given much of her time to many charities and organisations throughout her years. She is well written with books about the history of this district.  I love hearing her stories first hand over a cuppa tea and her home made cakes or biscuits.  She said just the other day that it will be 100 years since the Keeley family have lived in Clayton in 2017 on Boxing Day if I remember correctly.  She even went as far as to say she hopes she will be around to celebrate that also.  Now how wonderful would that be and cannot see why not!

I may not have had the nicest middle sister, but I like to instead look at what I did have and still have. I am blessed that my older sister was my kindred spirit and we were as close as any two sisters could be and then some, the most loving of parents, the best children anyone could hope for, what little family members who have stuck around and chosen not to listen to the innuendoes and rumours, some of the closest and supportive of friends in the world to then be even more fortunate to still have many many more long term friends whom I have known for years over the years and the best and most considerate of neighbours. I have made many friends and have lost a few and some have come back.  But I have more than I have lost.  No matter what, I appreciate all my friends, for without them, I would have been more lost than I otherwise would have been.  How do you begin to show your appreciation for all that love and care?  Now, I must have done something right to have all these riches of the heart and soul.  Love in abundance abounded and kept me from going mad.

As for the home front, I have my Mum to thank for that, myself and my children.  If not for her, I more than likely would have ended up destitute.  Life has many twists and turns, not all of your choosing or doing.  Life just happens.  

The rug of life can be pulled from under ones feet with just a few short sharp quick consecutive tragic outcomes to end up in a very very deep pit in no time with no way out that you can see in the foreseeable future.  Once there it is one of the hardest places to climb out of.  

Tenacity and bloody mindedness and youth helps.  The older you are the harder it gets to get out.  My Mum's story is one of struggle, death, loss and hardship, but also filled with true love twice over and her love of her children.  I recorded her telling some of her story and will endeavour to do it justice one day and set it to paper.  She was one tough lady filled to the brim with love. 

So my gorgeous Mum "I Thank You" for loving me, believing in me, appreciating me and in the end helping me have that chance to gain that grip to be half way out of that deep dark place.  

Here I am on my 50th with my two very special women, whom I had the utmost respect and love for and who will forever fill my spirit and soul, along with all my other loved ones.

I say this now as it is strange how things happen when they happen.  You seem to hear things when you most need it.  I had been so sad of late and missing Mum so very much, as well as my closest friend in the world who just happened to be my big sis the closer this 6 year mark came up.  

Just checking in!

I have come a long way in these last six years.  I have had mountains of pain and shed torrents of tears.  The Will stated I had six years tenancy, at which point, if I was unable to pay the recipients out, I would have to sell my home to do so.  Thank goodness I had the foresight to get the Home Loan when I did.  Yes, my middle sister got paid much earlier, but I also thankfully still get a chance to keep my home.  

As sad a situation it is, it was my middle sister who chose to shut me, neice and nephew out of her and her family's life.  The flip side of this, means, I no longer have to deal with her pot shots at me and about me. For years her insults and passive aggressive treatment of me hurt me deeply.  This is more than likely the reason why I use humour to escape or deal with tough situations.

Life has been way more peaceful without all that melodrama that she created constantly all my living years.  I don't miss that side of her one bit.

She was happiest when she made my life miserable.

If she ever had a change of heart for whatever reason, she would have to do some serious convincing from her part.  I have always gone by 'actions speak louder than words'.  She gave no thought as to how her neice and nephew would be affected by her words and actions, which have hurt them profoundly.  As for me, she has a lifetime of slights and slurs to heal that she has inflicted on me.

I doubt she ever will, as her way of treating me has been well entrenched all my life.  Many only wake up to what they have done or created when it is too late to do anything about such actions from their past.  But for what it is worth, I have chosen to live in the present moment with happiness and compassion in my heart as much as possible and not bitterness as it seems is the case for my middle sister.

And just get on with the business of living a life that matters.

I have been unemployed for nearly a year now.  By the time I finish this course I am doing, I am going to try with all my might to maintain and hold onto my home.  This is the plan and this is what my Mum wanted for me. A roof over our heads and not as much worry and stress.  However, we all have worry and stress in this day and age.  None of us can escape it.  The powers to be make sure of that one.

But, even the powers to be cannot take a rainbow away from you.  I have actually stood at the end of a rainbow and it was the most beautiful experience and that memory has never faded.

I choose to be positive more times than not and go with the flow so that stress will not further harm my body and soul.  Funny thing is my blood type just so happens to be B+!

Even though I have not managed to clear all the gear as yet, I certainly have come a long way and can be happy and proud and sad all at the same time about that.

I have to constantly remind myself to do just this.  Breathe.  Amazing how it does help.

I always try not to take life's constant knocks or myself too seriously.  It just makes matters worse, not better.

I fully intend to go for that Gondala ride weaving through the canals of Venice one day as one of my many rewards.  Being that I have stood at the end of a rainbow my other 'wish' would be to witness an Aurora Borealis before I leave this earth.

Or try something that would scare the heck out of me.  Ballooning!

I still have room for more fun, laughter and many more good times with those I love and care about.

Thankfully, even though I have had many stops and many starts, I have never given up.  Even though I have wanted to.  

I really like this piece and six years ago one of Mum's girlfriends gave this to me to help me through the tough dark days and  think it important to share here now.

"What will Matter"

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

 Author: Michael Josephson

I know I can make it by making it matter.  As the saying goes 'Fake it till you Make It!'. 

It will still take more time, but it will all be worth it in the end.

No matter what happens.  No matter what life still has in store for me.  No matter will matter in the end as I know I matter.

Keeping up the momentum of throwing out, purging, tossing, give away, liquidate, clean out, remove, get rid of, expel, eliminate, remove, dispose of, erase, eject, transfer out, withdraw, relocate, shift, delete.  No matter the word you use or the action you do, as long as the 'stuff' keeps on going in one direction and that is on it's way 'OUT' then one day you can say 'I've done it'.  'It's all sorted.'  'I now have room to move and live that life that I deserve.'.

I am still doing and still going.
Will not stop till the job is done.
To honour my last promise and assurance to my Mum.
Dusi saldi mana milja Mamulin.

Cheers,
Anita

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS!

Hi Guys,

I haven't found my motivation as yet, but haven't completely lost it either.  Thank goodness.

Life can be kind at times and by personal experience can be extremely cruel and cold hearted. 

I have had so much thrown at me in the last month that normally would have me down and out for the count for some time in the past.  All the work on the home front and 'me' front must be working, as somehow I have kept going.  And I have my family and friends to thank for that!

As one gets older you begin to see a pattern.  People come and go, either by choice or circumstance and when it is a choice, we have then choices about what we will do about it or not.  For some you fight.  For some you have to let go.  For some it was simply not meant to be.  For some who take you by surprise there is no more that can be done.  For some you will forever hold in your heart.  And some even come back.

I work at keeping my friends as I treasure each and every one.  Even those that I have lost.  Friendship is hard to come by and should not be taken for granted.  As for family, those that are left and chose to be at my side, I love dearly and forever in my heart.

If it wasn't for them, I would not have gotten to where I have.  All that and remembering to just 'breathe'.

First off, my children.  My daughter and her ever gorgeous boyfriend and my son all helped on the hard rubbish day.  I was so 'not' up for it due to many horrors, but they pitched in and the 'triffid' is now a thing of the past.  I had no illusions that dealing with this massive ball of twine would take some effort and time.  And it did.  The two men worked long and hard.  As for myself and daughter, we decided to deal with what was in the car and under the carport as it had gotten into a bit of a mess due to all the market stuff.  

We piled the gear out of what was in the car from the last market day and sorted all the clothing to go to the Salvation Army.  Too much effort for no return and taking up space.  We ended up with the bins filled to the brim with more to be taken to the Sallies and the car cleaned out and repacked for when I next go to market, but the carport area was still a tad in disarray.  But it felt good to get something done rather than nothing achieved.

Behind the car is was what was left that was taken to the Salvation Army.

Still in a mess.  As the cleaning lady in that TV ad would say 'Oh, Mr. Hart!  What a mess!'

Here is the mass we affectionately called the 'Triffid' the second.

Just some twigs that are left.

And bound for hard rubbish collection.  The heater and dog house got taken within a day.

Have continued to sort through papers and tossing and filing as I go.  The perpetual merri-go-round continues within my lounge room, where I sit some nights going through with a rubbish bag next to me on a regular basis.

Some of my friends asked whether there was something I needed help with and two of my gal pals came over yesterday to help me sort the mess from all the market stuff on one side and hopefully some more order to the mess in general, so I can continue to deal with it on my own over the months to come.

This was the mess early Sunday.

Later that day and now starting to look a little better.

We swept the leaves away that had built up over winter and found that the prickles from one of my Mum's cacti were making us itch in a nasty way.  Rule of thumb when doing this type of work and that is cover with long sleeves and gloves as apart from the prickles the spiders were a happy little bunch until we disturbed them and I don't want to land back in hospital and close to death ever again by a spider bite.

I had visions of grandeur and thought we would get through the lot that day.  What happened to me?  What was I thinking?  It is this very thinking that makes you get down and stop.  I had to rethink my thinking and take stock that there is still much to be done and not to rush the process.  Be kind to thy self!

It was at this point that my friend gave me a bag to look at and even though I didn't think it would affect me, it did.  At the end of next month it will be six years since my beautiful Mum died and it was her toiletry bag from the Palliative hospital that was handed to me.  It was left just as is and there was her toothbrush, soap and other personal items and then her hair brush still with her hair within.  It affected me more than I would have expected.  Luckily we had gone as far as we could've by this time and I was grateful that my pals had had enough also.

There will be such moments that emotionally affect you and even if you are ready or not you have to accept it and still move on or fight on.  The end goal is what one is striving for.  Also, it does help to heal by remembering and then letting it go.

Sorting the disorganised organised mess.

Looking much better.  Less and less each time.  The bins are all full with more rubbish to go in after this weeks pick up.

Wish I could find the photo from the start of this journey as all that space used to be full of boxes.  And now down to only this.  

This is why it is important to document visually your progress.  It has just helped me keep hanging onto my reason to stay motivated.  

As promised here is my Magnolia Bush.

Next will be to deal with what was placed in the lounge once again for me to go through at night.  Not every night.  But most nights.  

Slowly slowly I am getting through all this stuff.  

In the meantime, the course that I am doing I am finding very difficult as there is so much work to get done and crammed into a short space of time.  I know I will make a good Trainer as I love helping others.  Just hope I get a chance at doing just that.

So a big thank you to my darling two children and daughter's boyfriend and my friends who have stuck by me through thick, thin, tears, up and downs and still there and chose to put up with me.  I love you all very much.

Bye from me for the moment while I get over this last episode and retire to the couch to sort through more paperwork and homework.

Next will be more weeding.

Cheers all
Anita who is hard at study.